Google: The Plotless Tale
by Fullmetal Cows
Summary: Pinako frowned, 'Hey Ed, why are you still here..' 'My ballerina slipper has disappeared and I cannot continue my search without it. Also, where ever Roy's pretty, cool and tasteful shoes go, I go.' Sequel to Google.
1. Bleh

A/N: This is the not long awaited Sequel to Google. Hopefully our old readers will enjoy it as much as the first one, and the new readers will.. enjoy it? Yeah! Please Review!

Disclaimer: We do not own Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Barney (not that we'd want to), or that one Rent song...

**NEW READERS: **You won't nessacarily have to read Google, but it might be a good idea.. to figure out the whole computer thing and the Itachi/Barney thing.

Oh, and Roy-fan-33... We hope you don't mind us using you again..

**Google: How Troublesome.**

**By Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 1**

This delightful little story that we would like to refer to as a story, and shall always refer to it in that context, begins in the living room of the Rockbell's home, where our favorite characters sat infront of the idiot-box.

Winry's newest invention, the idiot-box.

"Wiinnnrrry!" Roy had shouted, "I want to watch something on this.. this.. _idiot-box_."

"Go ahead!"

So, there Roy sat, watching a movie with Winry, Riza, Alphone and Pinako. On the coffee table sat a box of kleenex, which was almost empty, that they used to dry their eyes of tears.

Because the movie was simply a tear jerker.

This.. RENT.

Winry broke out sobbing, "WHYYYY?!"

Maes was there also, but he had crawled into a corner unnoticed for evil plotting purposes. "I'll get them..." he mumbled, sharpening his knife with a smirk, "AND THEIR LITTLE DOG TOO!"

Somewhere in the house, Ed flinched.

"hehe... blood lust," Maes mumbled, joy filled tears leaking from his eyes.

"You called?"

Maes looked up from his knife and into the eyes of a... DUN DUN DUN.

Homunculus.

Named..

LUST-o-me-manifesto.

"Can I eat him?" Gluttony said, sticking his finger up his nose and looking down at the man.

"No..," Lust pondered, "I believe we can use him for a little vengence.. against the taco bell dog."

"HE WOULDN'T LET ME HAVE THE ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET!" groaned Gluttony.

"I know how you feel," Gluttony's alter ego said.

"Come with us," Lust held out her hand to Maes, "Come with us and... NEVER RETURN!"

"Yes mommy," Maes said quickly, grabbing her hand, "but I need to get my Elysia pictures."

"There is no time," Lust hissed. "WE MUST GO!"

"I CAN'T LEAVE THE PICTURES!"

"YOU CAN!" Lust yelled, and dragged Maes off. "AND YOU WILL!"

And none of the people in the room heard what happened, since Winry was crying so loud.

--

"Barney...," Itachi sighed, extremely annoyed with the dinosaur who was trying to play footsie with him. "I think.. we need to talk."

"Whaaat?" Barney yelled, "THIS ISN'T GOOD!"

No duh Einstein.

"It's just... you bore me," Itachi mumbled, "I think.. I want to see women."

"YOUR GOING STRAIGHT?!" Barney screamed, pulling his fur out.

"Yes.. And, I want to break up," Itachi murmured loud enough for Barney to hear.

"Oh no! Come on.. you don't mean it -- you can't mean it! I need you," Barney jumbled on, "...I love you, you love me..."

"I'm sorry Barney. It's just the way it is," Itachi mumbled, a tear slipping from his cheek, "I hope we can still be friends."

"WHAAAAT?!"

"Yes... I'm in love with someone else," Itachi sighed, gazing at fangirl number 4. (Roy-fan-33... Ah! This is for you, if you ever read it..)

"I LOVE YOU FANGIRL NUMBER FOUR!" He said, jumping up from his chair and running dramaticly to her, where he picked her up. "WILL YOU MARRY ME?!"

"AAAHHH! NO! NO! NO!" Fangirl number four screamed, "RAAAPE!" She then pulled a beating stick from behind her back and began to hit the strayed ninja. "I HAVE EYES ONLY FOR ROY/ED!.. AND ED/AL!... AND ROY/ED/AL!" (That's right, we read your profile.. -shifty eyes-)

"BUT DARLING!"

"I SAID NO!"

"BUT-BU-BUT!"

"Aha, he said butt," laughed Barney.

"I'LL CALL THE POLICE! OR BETTER YET... SOMEONE ELSE!"

"Hiya!"

"Hiy hawtstuff!"

Stare.

"OHMYGOD FANGIRLS NUMBER 1 AND 2 HAVE MORPHED!"

"Ed ist arownd.. so we thoht wed go fer somthin mor tall!"

"And that is...?" Itachi said, letting go of Fan girl number 4.

"U!"

5 minutes later, Itachi, fangirl number one, and fangirl number 2 walked out of the restuarant. "Here's my number, girls," he said, and began to walk off.

They stared at eachother and then delightfully screamed, "PLAYED!"

Itachi who could still hear them, ran quickly crying "I ONLY LIVE TO BE REJECTED! FIRST KISAME, THEN SASUKE, THEN FANGIRL NUMBER FOUR, NOW THIS!"'

Whoa, whoa, back up a second.

Then Sasuke..

Oh.

MY.

God. -smell's a scandal.-

---

"AY DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMEN."

---

Roy sat watching the movie, completely into it. Well, the lesbian part that is. He always thought women kissing was a turn on, even if when you tried to kiss them or told them that, they slapped you in the face and said "YO! I'M A LESBIAN!"

He almost laughed when the homosexuals kissed, and his evil side caught on. "HEY ED!" he shouted into the house.

"Yeah?" came a faint reply.

"COME HERE! You're on television!"

"I AM? SQUEEE!!"

"OH NO! DON'T BREAK UP WITH MURPHY!!" Winry shouted from outside.

"What's going on?" Ed said, walking out the door and towards 3 people standing in a circle or triangle.

"Oh, nothing much," Winry said, "Just practicing for this play that residents in Risembool and surrounding area's have to preform."

"What's it called?"

"_Dead Monkey's Head's Got My Eyeball_."

"Interesting."

"It's a musical."

"Interesting."

"I'm the main character."

"It's going to be horrible."

"AS-HOLE!" Winry shouted, knocking him over the head with a wrench. "PIPSQUEAK," whack, "BEAN!" whack, "JERK!," whack, "UGLY LITTLE HOBO-- Oh, someone sent you a letter," whack.

"Ow...," Ed mumbled, rubbing his eyes. "My arm is going to be bruised... WELL! I best be off to get my letter! Probably from my bestestest fangirl in all the worlds... EDARINA!"

"It's from Dad," Al whispered into Ed's ear.. which was hard to do since he had to bend over.

"Well, there's probably two."

"There's only one."

"SHUT UP CONSCIENCE!"

"It's not your conscience.. it's me, Al."

"SHUTTAP!"

"Just go get the letter, because if you don't," Winry (aka the main character in _Dead Monkey's Got My Eyeball _by Charles McChicken.) "I won't finish the compuher. AND I'LL USE THE PAPARIZZA TO GET BACK AT YOU!"

"You mean the paparatzi?" Ed questioned.

"YES."

"Bye-bye now," Ed said, pulling Al to the mail box. Sighing, he reached in and grabbed a small letter, and began opening it.

"OMG! OMG! OMG! DADDY SENT US A LETTER!!" Al began chanting.

"Shuttup!" Ed said, "It couldn't be anything good, because it's from that jerkoff bastard." (hurhurhurhur.)

"READ IT! READ IT! READ IT!"

Dear Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric,

This letter is to inform you of the recent death of Hohenhiem Imtogoodtohavealastname. He has died a gruesome death at the hands of a large green snake-monster-thingy. You inherit ALL HIS PROBLEMS!!! OTHER PEOPLE GET THE MONEY!

JK! Howz it goin'? Dun you tink ive gotten mor in tun w/ ur generation? Ya, i can rite w/ no gramer too!! Lawlz. I hop tat annoyin' dante isn givin u a hard tym... yet. Lawlz! shes such a playa/witch! OMG! U woudnt believ it if i todl ya! bewar of tat lyra grl too, sehs ttlly up to no gewd too. Oh! and dun firget aout lior... or dos dame homoclus. Okie dokie and giv up serchin fer ta Nestors Stone snc itz---

"What the hell is he talking about?" Edward murmured under his breath, "God! He's such a n00b!"

"Nestors stone?" Alphonse mumbled under his breath. "and what's "homoclus?""

"That's what I want to know!" Ed mumbled, "He need's to be taught a lesson!"

"No killing of parents," Winry mumbled, putting her hand on his shoulder. "It's the number one rule of the Monkey Hunter!"

"I'M NOT A MONKEY HUNTER! AND GET OFF MY SHOULDER, HAND. YOUR PROBABLY FULL OF COOTIES BECAUSE YOU DON'T TAKE SHOWERS!"

"You think I'm full of cooties?" Winry mumbled, "I take showers all the time! It's just off screen. AND YOU, whose on screen all the time, takes ONLY 1 shower in the whole anime/manga. And you're never off screen. YOU'RE SUCH A DIRTY UGLY LITTLE--"

"Hey, hey, I'll accept dirty, and ugly. At least I'm cleaner then Roy, BUT I'M NOT LITTLE YOU GIANT PEICE OF--"

"Calm down," Al mumbled.

"SHHHUuutup.." Ed began, "Sorry Al."

"TELL ME WHAT THE REST OF THE LETTER SAID." Al said, getting tired of the arguement, while Winry simply grabbed her chance and ran away to practice for her musical.

"It said," Ed began,

ttly a bad ide. oh n hers a riddl. it haz no is, but it kan c. wot is it? Lawlz. I no u wont be able figur it owt sinc it toke mii lyk... 8 howrs ta figur owt. N evn then Dan... env.. i meen sum dud frm wer i liv had to tell mii. Lawlz... hehehe. Newy im bein calld sew ill rite u agan in a wiik or so. EXPECY BLOOD LUST!

Sincrly Ur Horribl Dad and horribl Person,

Hohenhiem Imtogoodtohavealastname.

"Ed..." Alphonse said, as if he'd made a new discovery, "I think he's trying to warn us."

"About what?" Ed said, "It all looks like jibberish to me."

"He's warning us about..." Al paused, "Some one named Dan Env! The person who kidnapped him! All clues point to that!"

"Good. Let them keep him," Ed sneered. "We don't need that blond headed fool!"

"You're blond too.."

"I AM NOT. I'm.. I'm... Dirty Blond! WINRY SAID SO!"

"Well... your hair is muddy..."

Ed nodded happily.

"From rolling in the mud last night."

Ed gasped, and in a serious tone said "I thought we agreed that that was never going to be spoken of again! IT WAS ONE TIME! NEVER AGAIN, I SWEAR!!"

"I believe you..."

Ed sighed, "Good."

"As much as I'd believe a flying jelly fish named Chilli."

"THIS MEANS WAR!" Ed screamed angrily, attacking Al with his TINY hands.

--

When Maes awoke, having gone unconscious from a _bumpy_ ride, he was no longer in the Rockbell home. He wasn't in any home, house or place of residence at that. It was then he heard a loud, girlish screech.

"OMG LERST!!111111," Screamed Envy who sounded oddly like fangirl number 1, "DID YA GET MEH EDO-SAMA!"

"Not quite. WE GOT A BETTER PLAY THING, THIS ONE ISN'T SHORT!" Gluttony shouted, licking his lips. "I THINK HE'LL TASTE GOOD."

"OH! OH! OH!" Screamed Wrath, "can I torture him first?"

"Uh...," pondered Lust.

"Common! It'll be my first time!"

"Fiiinneee... but we need him in a hour, for.. uh... REVENGE," Lust finally compromised.

"Most troublesome," though Maes' as the deranged little created human boy dragged him to his room.

"I'll go easy on you and use the 8 tailed whip," Wrath said with a crooked smile.

"DON'T FORGET THE CHAINS!" Envy yelled running down the hallway after him.

--

Ed lost, because.. face it, Al's a Giant man! A giant tin man! Soul! Armour! Whatever, this sentence is twang. What is twang you ask? Google it.

Stay tuned, our fairly tailed rabbits.


	2. How deep, How sane, How horrible that is

**A/N**: Okay, so... xD So... uh... -shrug- We got nothing to say. That's a first.

**Niver** – Nice.  
**Kiarra-chan  
ObeyTheSnarf  
ChuckNorris-san**

**Disclaimer**: If we owned it, you'd simply be watching stick man, capish? We do however own the Emo Corner, so you'll just have to trust us when we tell you we are off our rockers. HEH! Happy belated hallowenza.

**Google: How Troublesome**

**by Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 2**

**How deep, how sane, how horrible that is.**

"OMG?!!" shouted a narutard, "R U A UCHIHA?"

Sasuke and Gaara, the emo kids that no one has come to love, stared back as two narutards stared back at them, only louder. "So what if I am?" Sasuke replied emo-ly.

"OMG!!OMG!!" the other narutard shouted, following her 'sister' in the approach. "OMG! UR SO KEWT! U WANT TO PASS A MSG FUR US?"

"...Perhaps," Sasuke pondered.

"CAN U TELL ITACHI THAT WE LUV HIM?"

After that, came a comment on revenge, a sweat drop, a stutter and some bruises. And then a gigglish "HI!"

"Oh my god," Sasuke murmured, covering his eyes with his hands. "Itachi."

"Ar-re you-u sober?"

"SHHH!!!" Itachi shouted, "I'm trying to act like I'm not blind!!" He suddenly bumped into a tree. "OOPS!"

"Weht... ur blind?" the narutards whispered, their faces bruised beyond help.

"AS BLIND AS A DOORKNOB!" Itachi shouted, giggling.

"OMG!! GREWP MTING!!" the other narutard screamed, pulling the other one off to the side, while the others simply stared. After a few minutes of arguing about loyalty and how weird it was to love a blind guy, the narutards came to a decision.

"On behalf of the Uchiha Fangirls Society, I, Narutard Number 9804594 would like to announce that we will no longer ogle a blind man. Instead, we will now worship, ogle and annoy Sasuke Uchiha, the blind man's younger brother."

"MAMA MIA" Sasuke said very un-emoly and very much like all the other Uchiha's had before Itachi got a cold and huffed and puffed and wiped them all out. Poor Italian bastards. It's shaped like a boot you know!

--

"I LOVE LIFE!" Maes shouted happily, running through the field nude, "I LOVE TAKING IT!!" In his hands he held a shot gun, which he continually shot at the wheat heads.

Suddenly, he stopped. "This isn't challenging enough," he murmured to himself, "I'LL SHOOT SUNFLOWERS NOW!"

Get it? Because Sunflowers are sunny.. like the sun.. which is bright... and nice.. and A SIGN OF LIFE. And Maes was no longer insane, no, not after the Homonculi had gotten a hold of him.

--

"I think Maes has gone insane," Roy said, as he looked through the telescope at the crazy man, and ate Doritos.

"I think he always was," Ed mumbled, "he just suppressed it."

"Well," Roy said, offended, "at least he isn't a Gaylord."

Suddenly, like everything else, a group burst into the room. "This is Gay Rights. SEE YOU IN COURT BITCH!" Haku, who was plainly the leader shouted, while holding the hand of his lover, Zabuza.

"Who's your client?" Roy laughed, "Ed?"

"NO! We're the client, breeder," Haku spit.

"Ah shut up you queer little bastard!" Roy through the insult back.

"Go screw your girlfriend and make some more breeders!"

"Come on, Haku.. let's go," Zabuza whispered into Haku's ear, clinging like a lost puppy to his arm, "you're scaring me!"

"Yeah! Go on and go, you unmanly men!" Armstrong shouted, flexing for all to see as he crowded his muscle into the room.

"Okay!" Haku shouted, his smile widening, "AND DON'T FORGET TO HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY MY FRIENDS!!!"

Once again, suddenly, Maes barged into the room, "I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET SAYING THAT!" He chased the gay men out of the room to the outside.

Roy sighed, "Men."

"Who needs them," Ed agreed.

"You do, obviously," Roy said, a smirk on his face. "You gay turd."

"Watch your mouth!" Winry shouted, barging in, and hitting him on the head with her wrench.

"Ooowwwiiieeeeee!!" Roy screamed, crying like a baby.

**MEANWHILE…..**

"ELMO LOVES YOU!"

"NOOOOOOO!"

"YESSSSSSSS!"

"Why would I lie to you? I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOU'RE BALD."

**BACK TO THE MOVIE...**

"COME BACK EDWARD-SAMA" Envy screamed, as the authors just skipped a bunch of scenes and now this makes no sense, WITH A POINT-ED STICK.

"DARN YOU BILL CLINTON, DARN YOU TO UTAH!" Ed cursed.

"HEY, HE DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!" The interpretation for the now mute Bill Clinton retorted.

"I'm not a woman," Envy quivered. "I'M A MAN!"

--

"Oh. My. God." a voice whispered into the darkness. "I HAVE TO PUT THIS ON MY..."

Dun.

Dun.

Freaking Dun.

"MYSPACE!"

--

Winry sighed as Naruto danced around her singing that one song from Rent that goes,

_Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.  
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom,  
The children play. The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.  
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.  
Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you_.

"Oh God, Please help me!" Winry screeched, whilst pulling out her hair. Then the clouds parted and the sun shined just so and a heavenly voice rained down.

"No," It said simply.

"Can't get you one night stand to stay a one night stand?" Pinako asked.

"Yes! What should I do?"

"Stop cooking with cheese."

"Oh, but what will become of Ed? HOW WILL HE GET HIS CALCIUM? GOD HELP US IF…" Winry was cut off by a,

"I ALREADY FREAKING SAID NO!"

"LA DE FREAKING DUH," Winry said shaking her ever present wrench at the sky.

"Don't Sass me!"

"And Why Not?"

"I'll discommunicate your sorry ass, and I'll give you….."

"Yes?"

"SCURVY!"

"OH MY GOD, I HATE POODLES!"

"I don't think you have a god you stupid little girl."

Ed then burst through the window followed by Al, who of course, being the voice of reason, used the door.

"GIVE ME BACK MY ARM AND LEG, MR.WHITETHING!"

"Nii-San!"

"Oh yeah, AND GIVE BACK AL'S BODY!"

"Opps, Gotta go!" As the light recoiled back into the clouds.

"Aw..," Said Roy who just walked out of the emo corner where he was shining a flash light at the emo kids that thought they where vampires but were really just gender confused, "I never got to use my Truth-Be-Gone spray."

"Wow, they make that kind of stuff?" Ed asked, patting his once emo companions on the shoulder as they cried, as if their razor blades had been stolen. "There, there, don't cry or you'll make-up will smear."

"No," Came a distant reply from Riza followed by gun shots, who used the conventional way of getting in the room. Through the garage, which was, YOU GUESSED IT; filled with wires, "He just got Greed to spit into a spray bottle."

And now, THE AUTHORS REGRETFULLY PRESENT TO YOU, A SONG BY VIC MIGWHATSHISFEATHER!

OH BROTHER DEAR  
I HOLD YOU NEAR!  
YOUR FACE IS QUEER!  
MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND DEER,  
THAT ALSO HOLD ME NEAR,  
OH BROTHER DEAR!  
TO NEAR TO BE QUEER.  
THE FANGIRLS FEAR THAT I'M AM REAL  
AND OH SO NEAR!

I'LL WATCH THIS RENT!  
OH HOW THEY LEMENT!  
THAT CHICK IS HOT.  
THAT DUDE IS NOT.  
WHY CAN'T SHE BE MINE!  
OH WAIT THAT IS A MAN!   
NEVERMIND IND IND IND!

WELL WAIT, I DON'T CARE!

OH BROTHER DEAR  
SO NEAR!  
SO QUEER!  
SO DEAR!  
MY FEAR!

THE SYSTEM IS SO WRONG!  
I LOVE THIS DAMNED SONG!  
I'M SO HAWT.  
I KID YOU NOT.

"GET OFF THE STAGE!" Edward yelled, while chucking a flaming shoe covered in god knows what. He had recently finished with it.

"THAT'S A WRAP!" Some Guy from Funimation proclaimed.

"THERE IS A GOD!" Yelled several anti-dub peoples from somewhere in the world.


	3. This Solid Liquid Structure

**Authors Note**: -quivershuddersmackintheface- Humm. 2 reviews. We are very displeased, but we'll give you all another chance (not like we have a choice...). Thanks to Niver, and InoRoyTohru for reviewing.. very, very much. Anyways! Not much else to say to you guys, except spraining your finger is a awesome experience. Try it sometime. (Not really.. if you don't know that was sarcasm.)

**Disclaimer: **Bleh, you know.. Its kind of disheartening to have to say this over and over again..

**Google: How Troublesome**

**by Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 3**

**This Solid Liquid Structure**

Now, if you had been Winry Rockbell in this situation, what would you have done? Would you have thrown the huge blond annoying lug out of your home, never to see him again? Or would you have patiently explained to him that such behavior was not tolerated in the Rockbell home?

Winry did neither.

"DAMN YOU!" Winry shouted, her hair flying every which way as she beat the infamous 'believe it' boy. "YOU..."

"Handsome son of gun?" Naruto filled in for her in all his innocent looking glory.

"BASTARD!"

What was this about? God only know's...

"No, I don't. Stop talking about me."

--

Rose, who had come awhile ago with Armstrong because she was the kind of girl who followed random people everywhere without a proper explanation or complete understanding, had taken her own liking to the compuher, which both Roy and Ed had ended their short-lived interest in. She had found something they both had missed, being as dense as they where.

MySpace.

The website was addicting. It sucked her in like the egg in the flask experiment with the fire.. But she still wasn't popular on myspace, no matter what lie she made up, and she had tried everything.

Everything.

She tried being cool, funny, serious, sexy... none of it worked. She refused to believe that she was destined to be a unpopular my spacer.

But the authors control fates here, not the characters, so the odds are against her.

--

"Milk..." Ed pondered, starring at the carton in his hand, as if it where the enemy. Which it was. "The most evilest creation on the face of the earth... but if I want big bones..."

"Oh, God, Full Metal, just have a calcium substitute, you damned lactose intolerant soul," Roy said, "You've been starring at that thing for hours."

"I am not lactose intolerant!" Ed said, taking the offensive.

"Can you drink milk?"

"Yes, but it tastes icky and I get a stommy ache," Ed said, his speech much like that of a five year old.

"Then you're LI. Lactose Intolerant, like I said."

"Am not!"

"Boo!" Maes shouted, grabbing Roys collar and shaking his head back and forth. "AHAHAHA!!! Your head moves."

"I know," Roy said, "let go of it."

"Mine doesn't move when I do this. See, Billy," Maes said, holding a stuffed frog in his hand, "his head DOES move. You lied."

"I did not!" screamed the stuffed animal.

The milk carton dropped from Ed's hand. "OH. MY. GOD. Is that my arm?"

"No, it's a stuffed bear."

"It looks like an arm."

"Well, it isn't."

"Oh, okay."

"Okay..."

"So.. what's up?"

"Nothing much."

"I LIKE CHICKEN LEGS!!!" Maes screamed, and jumped out the window.

"Oh god..," mumbled Ed, "better watch out for Winry."

"Why?"

"Because..."

"Look. I'm the truth. I don't have all day. I have to steal a little kids head at 5."

"Why?" Ed asked.

"Trying to resurrect their grandfather," it replied.

"Oh. Must have been a good man."

"Oh, no, he was terrible," the voice said, and mad vomiting sounds.

"Really?"

"Yes, he robbed a bank, blew up the tallest building in Ametris, and killed your..." The voice faded away.

"Well, that was interesting," Roy said, starring up at where the voice had come from. Ed merely stared after him, asking himself a question.

'Does salami taste better then cantolope?'

--

"Look," Sasuke reasoned, "at least we aren't in any danger of being eaten by a bear or something."

"Uuuhh-h.. I w-would-dn't say-y soo...," Gaara replied emoly.

They where indeed being followed. By an army of Sasuke Fan girls, who chanted "WE WILL PROTECT SASUKE WITH OUR WHOLE BRAIN. WE WILL PROTECT SASUKE WITH OUR WHOLE..."

"See, perfectly safe," Sasuke said with a nervous laugh. The fan girls where using their brain.. this could turn out worse then he thought.

"I need to cut my wrists," Gaara said, not stuttering.

"Me too. The urge is like.. God."

"Stop bringing me into the story when I'm busy!"

"Oh shuttup," Sasuke replied. "You probably aren't the truth. For all we know you could be Sadam Husam, who in fear of being hanged, has contacted the other side of the gate to try and save his life.

"Am not."

"Liar."

"Shut up!!!" The voice screamed, crying, and ran away.

"Told you," Sasuke said, "but the wrist cutting urge is still there."

"Same."

"Up the street, not across the highway," Sasuke chuckled to himself, "that was a funny one, eh?"

"F-funni-iest one I've hearddd yet."

"SSASUKE!!!!111!!1" a fangirl shouted, running up beside him. "I beg you not to cut yourself."

"I won't cut myself for a day if you go away."

"NEVER!"

"I can't wait to cut myself as soon as we reach the shack."

"NOOO SASSSUKKEEE!!!" Sobbed the fangirl.

"Shut up, you annoying girl."

"OMG!! HE LUVS ME! HE CLLED ME ANNOYING!! LAWLZ!! HE HATEZ U GUYZ THO HE SADE SO!!"

"Oh god," Sasuke mumbled, and then automatically screamed up to the sky, "don't EVEN!"

Okay.

--

"You want to know what I think?" Alphonse asked.

"You're opinions worth shit," Winry replied.

"Grumpy?"

"Very."

"Well, well... uh...," Alphonse mumbled, "I have to go before you beat.."

"DIE!!!" Winry screamed as she attacked the jumble of armor.

--

"IM NT A COKE SLUT U BTCH!!!1111" Ino screamed, hitting Havoc on the shoulder. No one really knew why the two where standing in front of a camera acting out, but one could imagine money was involved with it.

"IM NOT NOT MOLSTN OUR KID U COKE SLUT BTCH!!!!!!111111" Havoc screamed back at her, holding the hand of some kid. (In actuality, it was Rose's child. They had kidnapped it in order to make themselves famous. Oh, and the baby too.)

"That's a wrap!" Fuery yelled, shutting off the camera.

"Where's the paycheck?" Ino asked, looking around.

"I DNT FING NO!!!" Havoc responded, but then corrected himself with, "Oops, I mean, I'm not sure."

"You still where in character? How amateur."

"Yeah, well, you're so fat your mom is put to shame."

"DON'T INSULT MY FAT MOMMA."

--

Finally, after visiting Iraq and meeting Binladin for god knows why, Sasuke and Gaara had arrived at the Risembool town, where Edward apparently lived.

"That was a long trip; especially with those fan girls following us everywhere. I'm glad we lost them back at Mount Everest," Sasuke said emo-ly, whipping his brow. But they had not yet found the short guy they where searching for. They had, however, found someone they never wished to see again.

"HEY SASUKEEEEEE-TEME!!"

"Oh. My. God."

Naruto blinked, thinking 'who is God?'

"I'm that thing in the sky."

"Oh, thanks, thing in the sky."

"God Naruto, you are so stupid," Sasuke mumbled, twirling some of his hair in his fingers.

"AT LEAST I'M NOT GAY!"

"BUT YOU ARE GAY!" Sasuke screamed unemoishly. (THAT'S RIGHT. WE WENT THERE.) The fox boy made him feel things that he hadn't felt since Itachi had left.

"CHILD MOLESTER!" Someone shouted from far away, but the authors stuck up for Sasuke. He had been too young to understand.

"NO YOUR GAY!"

"I LOVE SAKURA!" Sasuke spilled out.

"NO YOU DON'T. YOU LOVE GAARA. I SAW IT. I sawwww it. I heeeaard it. You SAAAID IT IN YOUR SLEEP."

"No.. I was.. talking about Ed. About murdering him. It's all.. part of my master plan. How'd you know anyways?"

"I have my ways. Aka, I watch you in your sleep."

"Ah, more proof that your gay."

"I'M NOT GAY. I'M WITH WINRY!"

"More proof."

"This has exceeded troublesome, and now is a down right pain in the arse," Shikamaru said as he randomly appeared for no good reason whatsoever.

**Envy's Corner**

"No one understands me!" Envy screamed, pulling his hair in frustration. "WHY CAN'T THEY UNDERSTAND ME?"

"Ah dunno," Hohenheim said lazily, chewing on a piece of straw.

"Can't they just understand that underneath my cold, blood thirsty exterior, I'm just a boy?"

"They probably could..."

"And that all I want is my daddy," Envy mused.

"Isn't that cute.."

"In cold blood."

--

"Why are you standing in front of me?" Ed said rudely, trying to push past Winry, "without a rhyme or reason."

"I seem to be in a pickle."

"Ah, well, maybe Naruto though, in his words, 'she might send me packing.'"

"He's eaten me out of house and home."

"I can't remember my salad days..."

"That's because your breathing your last," Winry said, fingering her pocket which held a dreaded weapon. "Listen to me. That's not my problem. The problem is that he is missing."

"I'll bet he vanished into thin air."

"Or he's dead as a door nail."

"Oh you blinking idiot!"

"I may be a idiot but at least I'm not playing fast and loose."

"What?"

"Thou hugger-mugger."

"WHY I OUTTA!"

"But you mustn't," Winry said, "for I mighth havth to usth physical forcth."

(pssst. We don't own the Shakespear quotes...)

--

Once Sasuke had finished beating Naruto up, which he hadn't really done since Naruto ran away, but he wanted to say that he had beaten him up because he's cool.. and he conned them into making us say it.

With money.

Anyways, Sasuke, along with his faithful companion, Gaara, who was neither faithful nor a companion, they went to find Edward.

Who was poking a knife into the milk box and chewing on poky at the moment.

How immature.

"AHHA!" Sasuke shouted emo-ly, but also triumphantly.

"BLUUEBLAH!" Gaara shouted, triumphantly, his gibberish.

The milk carton broke. "Ah damn you... If I could have concentrated I could have channeled the milk into my brain," Edward mused.

"We are here to end your life!"

"and I'm-m herrrrrrrre to watcccch him," Gaara added.

"nu-uh! I need your help! We're a team!" Sasuke shouted, and pointed at Gaara.

"We'rrre twwwo emo kids-s," Gaara replied, "n-not a tteam."

"We're best friends!"

"Nah-h, we're-re enem-ies-s wit-th the sa-ame c-ause," Gaara said, turning around.

"HUMPH!" Sasuke yelled, "Naruto was a better team mate."

"Oh-h don't-t ev-en c-compa-re me-e to h-him!" Gaara shouted, "you-u alwayssssss do that-that!"

"I can see you guys are having marital problems," Ed said with a laugh.

"No! We're not even married! He just always acts like this and... god..."

"Oh-h pleeeaaassseeee it-s-s nnot mee. Itt's you-u."

"I know a good marriage councilor," Ed said, smirking.

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED."

"YEAH!"

"I never said you where. I just said you could use one."

"Let's kill him."

"Agreeeed."

"Oh please," Ed said, looked down at his milk carton, and up at the too, then back at the milk carton. "You do know that I was busy, don't you?"

And then they attacked him, but we all know how the chapter ends, so why continue? It's quite obvious, is it not?

So review and say "OMG CLIFFHANGER BUT NOT REALLY! ED BETTER (NOT) LIVE."

Although, we all know he will live.


	4. A Premonition of Sorts

Much to the surprise of the authors, Edward managed to survive. Not to imply that he would lose to a Naruto character, for we all know that alchemy is better then chi-freaking-dori. Plus the fact that SASUKE DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH HATE…or any more money.

But this isn't the point. What is the point you ask? The point is One of the protruding marks used in certain methods of writing and printing for the blind. But that is another point for another story and instead of going on about the point of things the authors shall get to the point of the sentence which is slowly turning into a paragraph. The point is Sasuke made it out with his life and Ed was saved, not that he thought he needed saving, by none other then the voice of reason, ALPHONSE!

You may ask what became of Gaara. Well you see he had an epiphany and is no longer emo. So, once again, Sasuke is alone, and could not hire a friend. Why? Because he spent all his money bribing us to make him look cool, which we wont be doing in this chapter. Why? Simple, STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!

But this is not what this chapter will be about. It will be about a dream.. a dream.. **INTO THE FUTURE**!

**A/N: **Roze kind of fits Trisha's role better then Winry would, so don't whine or flame. Not that we expect any of that. -Hugs reviews like stuffed toys- And, aw, no Roy in this chapter.. ;n; you'll just have to live with the fact that his great-great-great-great-great grandchild, Garfunkel, was mentioned. He'll be back in chapter five, rest assured. We guess you could also say that this is a mock OC story (You know, Ed has children and they go off on their own adventure.. except it's more.. crack like.)

**Kiarra-chan**  
**ninjas-of-the-nite  
windcallerwolflover **(anon)  
**InuRoyTohru **(anon)  
**Niver** (anon)

**Disclaimer: **Uhhh, Hello? We don't own it. You really should try to get the idea.

**Google: How Troublesome **

By Full Metal Cows

Chapter 4

**A Premonition of Sorts.**

For a moment in Ed's life, his future pass before his eyes. Mind. Brain. Hands. Mouth. Head, shoulders, knees and toes. His nose wasn't so lucky though, for it saw Armstrong in the shower. It was scarred for life.

He was a carbon copy of his father. His life, therefore, was a carbon copy of his fathers. Minus the nose, because his nose hated him for letting it see such sites. It had run away. Also, his feet where bigger then his fathers.

Oh, and he was shorter too.

Winry, becoming madly possessed by his nose, had become his body hopping girlfriend and father to his  
illegitimate child, who was called Odor, because he didn't take very many baths. Not very many at all.

By the time his fourth body hopping had come by, Edward Elric was getting bored. So he went to the strip club and picked up a girl, who he got married to the next week. The girl, also known as Rose ---

"Wait. Back it up... If I've been body hopping for," Edward mumbled, failingly trying to count on his fingers, "alot of years now how is Rose alive?"

"SHUT UP!" squealed the authors, "You're ruining our story!"

"Well, sooorrrrrrryyyyyy if I care about PLOT HOLES."

"We accept your apology."

"I didn't..." Edward whined, like a snotty little sixteen year old who couldn't have his lollipop.

"BACK TO THE STORY!"

--- was a pretty brown and pink haired girl, who had lived on the wrong side of town for most of her life. Her first, and only boyfriend, Kevin Federline ---

"My boyfriends name was Kane!"

"Do you guys do this to cow-sama?"

"No-"

"THEN SHUT UP."

--- The man she had had her first son, Bono Phonse, with, had left her for a girl named Britney Spears. She had spited that and became a Roman Catholic so she could believe he was going to go to hell. Which is exactly where his white-rapping career went.

Anyhow, she had been dragged to the strip club by her alcoholic priest, when she should have been at home, watching Deal or No Deal with Bono Phonse.

She had had a drink and danced on a poll, had another drink, and woken up the next morning in the arms of a body hopper. After a week of courting, they fled to Las Vegas for a traditional American wedding. Meanwhile, Bono Phonse was babysat by Cornello the alcoholic priest.

"Wow! They sure did go a long way!" Wrath pointed out.

"Did you have to interrupt just to say that?"

"No! I was just trying to be funny! NOW I KNOW HOW ENVY FEELS!" Wrath screamed, sobbing off to his bedroom. (Or, jail cell, as we refer to it.)

Eventually their child, Edalina, a healthy boy with 2 arms, 2 legs and one nose, was born. Rose rejected Bono Phonse immediately as she began to care for the now-born centre of attention. To make up for a lack of attention, which Bono Phonse could not tell was there, he took a very good liking to the Priest.

Edward would eventually save the boy from priest molestation, but now is not the time for that story.

Eventually, Edward realized his body was starting to rot. Before making a decision, however, he confronted his wife. "Hun, are you using body-deteriorating soap in the washing machine?"

She said she was innocent, but Edward wasn't so sure. He packed his things and ditched the family, leaving behind a questioning Bono Phonse with sexual problems, a angry Edalina, and a depressed wife who would die of a disease there was no cure for.

AIDS.

Edalina, Bono Phonse, and Elysia (Maes and His wives daughter) often discussed this, until the day they found their mother dead of the common cold. Edalina was then possessed by the spirit of the nose.

The authors, wanting to have some fun, pretended to be Izumi and her husband. They began to teach them the ancient art of tap dancing.

--- "HOW THE HELL ARE THEY GOING TO DO ANYTHING-"

The authors then died, and Edalina et Bono Phonse began to be taught by a polar bear with fake boobs and a wig, who taught them the -sarcastic- **great and ancient art of ALCHEMY!** (Tap dancing was better.)

"That's better."

One day, as the Polar Bear, who had named its self "Billy Joel" after they're role model, left the room, they noticed a book on the shelf. It was called "How to do illegal crap and get away with it!"

Bono Phonse gazed at it adoringly. "Maybe it can be my mate?"

"... NO!" Billy Joel screamed, "DO NOT TOUCH THIS BOOK. It's mommies.. I mean Billy's personal book."

A zip, a boom, and a "feeesh!" later, they where resurrecting their mother. Which, unfortunately didn't work, and they created a BIG MEAN GREEN BLOB.

Anyhow, Bono Phonse ended up permanently in a suite of armore, which solved the sexual issue, while Edalina had no right arm, and no left leg. "Go on without me..."

Batta Boom, Batta Bing and Edalina was a state alchemist, under the heading of Garfunkel, Roy and Riza's great, great, great, great grandchild. He began searching for the -sarcastic- **LEGENDARY PHILOSPHERS STONE** which would restore his and Bono Phonses bodies back to their original state.

During their journey, they met a girl named Tiger Lily, who was their mothers 4th cousin, twice removed---

"Okay. I can see where this is going," Edward mumbled, "and I want to say that I don't like incest."

"This isn't about you, Mr. Morals. It's about Edalina. Start thinking about your daughters feelings!"

"I thought it was my son!"

"How could you doubt your poor, poor sons gender?!

"Ugh. The.. Same way my mother doubted mine," Edward mumbled again, beginning to sob.

"Well, to console your thoughts, this isn't a Edalina or a Bono Phonse x Tiger Lily story. It's Edalina x Garfunkel."

Anyway, Tiger Lily slapped Edalina around a bit and taught them quiet a few things. Number one had been not to mess with foreign women. They had a attitude like a shark. Number two, though, they didn't really remember.

A zipdeedoodaa, and the boys where off to do other things. And boom bah lah de boop, Tiger Lily stole a baby and was kidnapped by Winry, who needed the soul of someones nose, to make hers younger so she could -- but we won't go there, because it's not for the children.

Suddenly, Edalina was dead, Winry was cackling, Edward was starring in wonder, and Bono Phonse was giving his life so Edalina could live again. And Tiger Lily with some persons baby, was starring at the dead corpse with a hungry look on her face.

And.. THATS ALL!

---------------

Suddenly, Edward woke up from his nightmare. He reached up to find that his nose was still there, fully intact and faithful.

"Oh thank God."

"You're welcome. I could have just left you hanging, you know?" Said the voice, "I would have liked too, but apparently, it's against the rules to leave you in dream land for too long."

Edward ignored him, and pressed his ear up to the wall separating his room and Winrys, hearing loud "Believe It's" and sighing.

"Phew.. She's still cooking with cheese."

--------------

Rose sat in the dark, groaning quietly in complaint.

"U SIKININ' BLOND!" She had put up a picture of Winry to see if it would help her popularity.

"OMG! U HAVE PHACIAL HAIR!" A picture of Hoenheim.

"YOU LOOK LIKE POE!" Yes, that one was a long shot, but she thought that hadn't looked that bad.

"You're way to short." She had known using Ed's picture would be pointless.

"WILL I EVER BE POPULAR ON MYSPACE!?" Roze asked pulling her hair in agony.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Barney.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Poe.

"No," Mocked the authors.

---

"You know, Winry… This reminds me of a story mom used to read to us when we where little." Alphonse mused devilishly

"Yeah! I remember that story." Ed said not much caring where the point was leading, so long as it wasn't a short joke.

"Yeah, it was called "The Child Who Smelt odd." And I always identified with the characters who had to smell the child, because…you know Winry, you didn't take very many baths. No, not very many at all."

"I didn't take baths because we didn't have a shower."

"You could have taken a bath instead."

"I DIDN'T WANT TO YOU JERKS."

"Don't kill the messenger."

"Whose messenger are you?"

"Uhh.. Ed's." And with that, Alphonse ran away… because he's smart… smarter then Ed.

**End.**


	5. That's MY Bunion Cream!

A/N: Hullo, Kame here... Just Kame. All on her lonesome. ;n; The other one ran off to Pheonix for a holla polluza. And if anyone knows to really spell that, I wouldn't mind knowing. You'll get a longer and more funnier chapter next time when Gin's here with me to brain storm. 8D;

Thanks to the reviewers: Draelya, Me And My God Complex, BakaKonekoRKL and Beam The Chao. Keep 'em coming, mmkay?

Oh, yeah.. Disclaimer.

**Disclaimer brought to you buy the makers of Alfreds Bunion Cream **_"Get 'em bunions off y'ur feet and on t'e road!"_  
We do not own Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto, Mario, Alfreds Bunion Cream, Groceries, a compuher, Sims 2 Seasons... A hair brush, a dentist, a rabbit named Alphonse.. Barney.. Microsoft.. Bill Gates.. The world.. Tables..

The statements made in this chapter do not reflect the opinions or views of the authouresses or Characters. **Christians are not fat, and Rose is not _that _thin.**

**Google: How Troublesome**

**by Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 5**

**That's MY Bunion Cream!**

Edward, Alphonse, Roy and Winry (who was "one of the guys" according to her) starred intently at a small red and green bulb on the table. "How come we didn't have a christmas chapter?" Roy asked, his eyes becoming wet.

"Because christmas chapters are for fat deticated writers," Edward replied, "who do not know that no one in Full Metal Alchemist could ever be considers "christain.""

"When did you get so smart?" Winry asked, looking at him with a bit of doubt.

"I was always smart, duuuurrrr."

"You know, nii-san, you've probably offended a whole bunch of people. Not all Christains are fat," Alphonse kindly informed the group.

Roy sobbed harder. "AND YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE OUR RATINGS GO DOWN. You're the fat one, Ed."

"I thought I was queer."

"You're fat."

"Phat?"

"No, fat."

"Phat or fat?"

"Queer."

"I'm not gay!" Edward shouted, glared and smacked the flame alchemist on the head in a girlish manner.

"You certainly made me believe that you're not gay just there," Roy said, rubbing his head a little bit but refusing to show pain at the girlish slap.

"You know.. I just thought of a illustation for the whole ratings thing," Alphonse pondered. "Edward is a 200 pound object that is dragging the rest of us down with him into the sea of the Pope's going to kill us."

"Wait a minute... Wait a minute," Winry said, "There is no pope!"

"Huh?! She's right!"

"She's right!"

"Oh. My. God. She got something right."

"This can't be."

"Winry, since when have you started reading books?"

"I've been reading them since I was 1."

"Liar, you started reading at four," Edward laughed haughtily.

"Okay, so we all under stand and agree on this point: Christains are not fat."

"Ed's fat, and he's a athiest."

"I'm not FAT! ...I'm phat."

"This doesn't seem very promising.. can't we just get off the relgious fat subject?"

"Rose is pagan and she's pretty skinny..."

"Drop it."

"Is Maes a evolutionist?" Alphonse questioned.

"Why?" Roy said, raising a eyebrow suspicously.

"Well.. it would explain why he acts like a ape."

"MAES DOES NOT ACT LIKE A APE."

"Okay.. look.. It was only temporary insanity," Maes pleaded, banging on his chest in desperate fusturation.. from inside the jail cell. He growled and aped about.

"I'm sorry sir, but I cannot let you go. Scar has a special.. surprise for you," the military man said, leaning down to help the man up from his sitting spot.

"Oh really? What kind of surprise?"

"A SURPRISE PARTY!!!!!!!" a figure shouted, turning on the lights to reveal that he was indeed Scar. Behind him where a whole bunch of military dudes clad in white.

"A surprise party...? For me?!" Maes' voice rang out, becoming giddy with excitement.

"No, a surprise party for Mario."

"MAMA MEA?!"

"Look.. I didn't ask for a imitation," Scar said, his right arm glowing.

"Okay..."

"NOW LETS PARTY!" Scar shouted and turned on the music.

_I'm a little tea pot, short and stought. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, here me shout---_

"TIP ME OVER AND POUR ME OUT!" Maes shouted, slugging another beer to his mouth as he sat at a table singing marry old tunes with his new bestest best friend, Scar.

Roy frowned when he saw this on the television.

"Ciao. My name is Uchiha, Sasuke," his voice rang out in the small circle, "And I'm addicted to alchohol."

"So you're a alchoholic?" a blonde who looked strangely familiar said, "My names Tsunade and I'm addicted to Crystal Meth and Sex."

"Nice..." Sasuke said, "Isn't Crystal Meth for Hilly Billies?"

"Yup. I'm a hic'!" Tsunade said proudly and hiccuped.

"Kisame?"

"Itachi? Is that you?!"

"...Yeah..."

"I thought you'd run off with Barney!"

"I did... but... I realised something important at the airport," Itachi mumbled.

"What was that?" Kisame said happily, "That I'm your bestestestbest friend times ten plus world peace times happy alien fish cross human love ever?"

"No," Itachi said, _looking _at the shark man like he was crazy, "I realised that you where one screwed up moron that failed at life and needed someone to watch them to make sure they didn't do anything stupid and nice again."

"I'm glad," Kisame said happily, "that you thought about my feelings."

"Oh please," he said in acute disgust, "Akatsuki is paying me."

"Apppllleeeesssssss," screamed Roy, sticking out his hands wildly at Riza.

"Sir, may I remind you that you said you would be going on a carnivore diet this week?"

"Yes of course, Riza, but I didn't say I was going on a --- diet."

"A ---?"

"Yes, a ---!"

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Well then, let's go to the mall and pick some up."

"A mall?"

"Oh.. A store. Actually.. many stores," Riza explained briefly before turning her back to her boss and marching out of the building, praying all the while that she wouldn't see any little black wires any time soon.

"Are you hungry Envy?" Lust said, throwing open a old green fridge. Envy stared at her weirdly from the counter he was sitting on.

"Is there any---?"

"What? Ham?"

"Yeah," Envy nodded, creasing his eyebrows. "Is there any?"

"There is one.. but it's in a pot, is browned and mold is growing off of it," Lust said, lifting open the lid of the pot before quickly back on. "Dante really doesn't know how to clean."

"Hell yeah. Hoheheim did all that crap --- he was like our personal maid --- before he went off and got married to someone he loved and had little (and I mean little in the litteral sense) children. The bastard," Envy sighed.

"I HRD TAT!!!!!!!111111 OMG IM NEVA SENDIN U A EMALE AGUN!"

"Huh? Do you know what he said? I couldn't comprehend it."

"No clue."

"Hey guys," Sloth said, plopping herself down on a stool which promptly broke into a million jaggered peices which then stabbed ruthelessly into her back, ending her miserable life, again. "What's up?" she asked with a smile.

"MAMA! YOU HAVE A STICK THROW YOUR STOMACH!"

"I'll move when I'm good and ready too, kid," Sloth said, looking at the child angerly before taking the stick out of her chest.

"Look, we need to be more organised," Dante said, marching into the room after she had finished her morning excerises. Which consisted of a few laps around the pool before ten sets of body hoping. "I'm going to take on the persona of a drill sergant from now on."

"Couldn't you take the persona of a maid?" Envy said, munching on a rotten peice of the ham. "Or a good cook? I'm getting rather fed up with moldy halfcooked ham. I need the real deal."

"Au contaire," Dante said sending a glare in Envy's general direction, "I do not cook at all."

"Then who does?" Lust said, wide eyed. Sloth hastily agreed.

"Gluttony. He's a fabulous cook you know.. does everything up just the way I like it. Of course... I haven't got to eat it yet, but creative minds need their time."

"Or he ate it all," Envy said under his breath.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I said 'or he ate it all?'" Envy said, looking innocent.

"What? Heck no! Gluttony wouldn't do a thing like that," Dante screamed.

"Mama?" Wrath said, pulling at sloths dress, "Can I have my allowance? I want chocolate."

"Can't you just.. make some chocolate?" Sloth sighed.

"I need money!" whined Wrath.

"FINE THEN. TAKE YOUR DARNED MONEY!" Sloth screamed, reaching into her pocket and pulling out some bills. "I swear, you children nowadays... no patience!"

Sloth was extremely slow, and did not like being pushed.

Winry walked down the hallway, admiring the pictures of her family and half-related family on the wall. There was a picture of her mother and father, her grandmother, Alphonse and Edward in a dress. Can you say '_gender questioning_' phase?

The dress, needless to say, had been too big for Edward at the time (and probably still was) so he looked like he had been swallowed up in it. Oh, the stupid little twit.

"I'M. NOT. N-O-T. SMALL. N-O-T!" Edward screamed, marching into the room, a deadly weapon in his hand.

He had gotten ahold of Winry's wrench..


	6. The Chapter With No Maes In It

Disclaimer: We do not own FMA, Naruto, Azula from that stupid show Avatar, Barney or Pacman. We do however own the fact that we smashed their personality to bits and pieces. And our Pride.

**Google: The Plot less Tale (1)**

**by Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 6**

**The Chapter With No Maes In It.**

Of course, years of emotional abuse must add up to one thing or another thing or many things; such as shooting some very lovely daisy's for example. For Ed it was the kidnapping of Winry's trade mark wrench, or as the authors like to call it, BING BANG BOOMING BUMPING THINGY!

"I'M NOT SHORT NOR A HOMOSEXUAL INTLECTUAL!" Ed screeched like the little gay monkey he was, Oh, He also flung the wrench at Winry, but that's less important them him being a gay little monkey because of course, a good wrench obeys it's master. And you can't find a more faithful wrench then Winry's wrench, Because, quite simply, it was dead afraid of her, just like every moving, unmoving, living, undead and dead object, person, thing or Naruto character.

"WRENCHENESS RETURENKESS!" Winry shouted waving her hand in the air like a chimp, and yes the authors have a new obsession with comparing things to primates.

A white stick appeared in her hand, complete with a star on the end. She then waved it about like she had done with her hand, and repeated a spell. Suddenly, the wrench disappeared from Edwards startled hands and appeared again on Winry's tool belt. And yes, the darling Winry is a witch. Insert mad cackling moles with facial hair here.

Winry didn't even bother hitting Ed with her Wrench of belligerent ending doom, no, he already looked as if he had been hit by a semi. Poor Semi.

* * *

It had been a week since his run in with Tsunade and some other notable frightening situations at the local AA meetings Sasuke had been taking while he visited in home town, in hopes of finding a place to 'be.' Of course, as soon as Sasuke had realized that the Hokage was out to get him, a few more reasons then one, he had to hightail it out of the town quicker then a snail on a motorcycle.

It had been a dream when he had found a old man with black hair cascading down his back, and a weird facial expression (Sasuke had noted that he looked a bit 'venomous.') His skin was a light white and he looked as if it had been years since he had seen the sun.

Perfectly safe, Sasuke has reasoned with himself, and became the mans traveling companion. Turned out he was a retired pimp ready to make a comeback in the pimping world.

Of course, The Rockbells and unwanted's could hardly agree with Sasuke's decisions, as they divulged themselves into the daily news paper headlines.

"SASUKE IS READY  
Sugar Daddy is Quite Pleased."

Sugar Daddy.. Sugar Daddy. They had to open parts of their mind never opened before to remember the old snake man that had taken Sasuke on as his apprentice less then a week after they had arrived in L. A. together.

"SASUKE BLUSHES

Sugar Daddy says Sasuke may not be so ready after all. 100 more fillers to be expected."

They scowled as they read that on the afternoon paper, and Naruto "Believe it" Uzmaki mumbled something to himself about a delayed time skip.

"I bet this is all a Media thing," Roy said, "I don't see why we care anyway."

Someone wrapped their arms around Gaara and let him sob onto their shoulder. "There, there," they mumbled softly, "It'll all be okay."

"SASUKE MAKES FIRST BAR APPEARANCE

Sugar Daddy is pleased with turn out."

Everyone, even Sakura, had recieved a invitation to the grand first appearance, only to be let down. Gaara had not gone, saying that it would be to hard to see how Sasuke had sunk to such a level, but everyone knew he just didn't want his heart to be broken again. Not.

"SASUKE BLOWS UP OVER TEA

Racial Slurs thrown about hastily by the super star."

They knew something bad was going to happen when he was invited to tea.

"SORRY SATURDAY

Sasuke appears on Saturday Night Live saying he was drunk and angry."

So Many Lies.

"ROSY BUTTS IN

Sasuke Plans to Sue Rosy for 'everything she's worth.'"

Meh.

* * *

Roy was quite pleased as he stepped into the building referred to by Riza as a "mall." Women seemed to be crawling all over the place, but that was not what had drawn Roy's attention. It was not the store next to them full of fresh hams either, nor was it the hairstylist that was making googely eyes at him or the child that was barfing from seeing him.

It was nothing around him, actually. Suddenly, everything around him seemed to not matter anymore. He felt a completeness. Just standing there in the mall. He felt contentment, he felt like there was nothing in the world that could pull him down, he felt ---

"Stop starring at that womans butt, Mustang. We have ham to buy."

Nodding solemnly, Roy raised his eye line disapointedly, with a sad smile on his face. He would have to dock his faithful Lieutenant's pay for disturbing his inner peace.

* * *

"Mum-a," Envy said, gripping Dante's skirt deathly, "I wanna cewk-ee." Envy stood in their small basement, begging his mother for a cookie as she discussed top secret plans with Pride.

"Look, I'm busy, and your 400 years old. Why don't you go find a five year old, kill them and steal **their **cookie."

"Get back up here, Envy! I need to know if their was a ship on B6! You promised to come back up right away. Come back up now or I'll tell mommy that you ate her shrimp from the freezer. Get up here, now, before I peak at your ships!"

"YOU BETTER NOT PEAK AT MY SHIPS!" Envy shouted, running up the stairs and chasing Wrath before tripping over their battleship game. The ship on B6 stabbed him in the heart.

Sloth slowly walked up to him, a glare on her feminine faces. "Who said **you **could eat my shrimp?!"

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Whats up, yell' dude?"

"Nawthing, just got this here misses to high tail it on out to ta grocery star. Damn woman, I told 'er I did gone didn't wanna see any more gosh darn'd ghosts round this here house. 'Nd ahm tir'd of eatin' duts! Anyways, ya got a job fer meh eh?"

"Yes, in fact I do. But before I explain, I'm going to need you to lose that accent."

"Okay, Barney. Whatever you say."

"Thank you pacman, for calling me back so quickly. I know it's short notice, but I was wondering if you where still in the sniping business."

"Depends, who d'you need gone?"

"Well.. it's kind of like a love triangle," he blushed as the words came out of his mouth, "Except I want it to be a love line."

"Ah, I always knew you where a little sap. Whose the poor girl you want?"

"I'm serious here, this ain't 'bout any hugs or sun shine. And I'm not trying to get a girl actually."

"A little boy then? I know you have history with them..."

"Nope, it's a man this time! His name is Itachi... Uchiha."

"OH MY GOD! THE ITACHI UCHIHA!?!?" Pacman screamed from the other line of the phone. "Isn't he, like, blind?"

"Um, that's kind of the point."

"Didn't he break it off with you?"

"Yeah.. but I know he loves me! It's just that damn..."

"Who, honey? You know you can tell me, I'm listening," Pacman said, before moving the receiver from his mouth quickly and shouting at his wife to stop crying about the man who'd called her a whore and hit her on the face.

"This.. dolphin guy.. Kisame.. they seem to be more then friends. I NEED HIM OUT OF THE WAY."

* * *

"OH, ITACHI!" Azula, the fire princess from the weird Nickelodeon show, Avatar screamed, "Thanks for these earrings, but you could have spent a little bit more. Sometimes I wonder how much you love me when you buy me these cheap might as well be plastic jewelery, honestly.

Itachi shrank back, and said quietly, "I'll spend more next time, ma'am."

Itachi wasn't the only Akatsuki member that feared woman. Or at least, that is what he thought. While he was busy cowering for forgiveness from Azula, Deidara was busy dumping his second girlfriend that month.

"Look, I've just.. fallen out of love," he said softly, "You understand don't you, yeah?"

"Who am I kidding? You understand.. you understand all to well. You fell out of love with me far before I fell out of love with you. Yes, I know, I saw you with him, yeah."

Deidara glared, but then once again his eyes softened. "I better get going, yeah. I don't want to be here when the police arrive, yeah."

The only reply he received was more gurgling of blood out of the womans throat.

* * *

A/N: Change! How nice.. From this chapter on, Google: How Troublesome has gotten a make over! **(1)** It is now "Google: The Plot less Tale" and the summary has been changed. Same story, different title!

And the Authors note is down here now.. mostly because we're too lazy to scroll to the top of the thing and put the authors note on. Blah.

More reviews please! If you like this story, let us know.. If you think we need to stop writing and get hit by a truck, tell us! We want to know what you think, even if all this story is about is _practically_ picking on every character in FMA, and some particular Naruto characters.

It's kind of disappointing to have 17 reviews only for six chapters.. We'll probably stop writing this story if we don't get more of a response from readers. It's disappointing.

So thanks to the reviewers of chapter five for supporting us to keep on writing! BakaKonekoRKL, and Kiarra-chan. Thanks very much!

By the way, Gin is back.. -haunt-


	7. Hands and Paws

**Disclaimer: **Don't own FMA, Naruto, Barney or Pacman.

**Google: The Plot less Tale**

**By Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 7**

**Hands and Paws**

Roy raised his hand to his forehead and stuck his index finger up gracefully and stuck out his thumb. "Loooosssseeer!" he yelled, grinning as he watched Edward steam up at the insult. "I have ham and all you have is a bean!"

"And it's not even a good bean either. It's a.. small one!" Roy said, sticking his hand on the blonde's head, whose face had turned red. If you put him on the temperature gage, you would find that he was at least 100 degrees above the normal body heat temperature.

"I. AM. NOT. SHORT," He said, pausing for emphasis in-between each word, "AND. GET. YOUR. DIRTY. SLUT. HAND. OFF. OF. ME."

Roy withdrew his hand and stuck it in front of his mouth, giving a surprised gasp and a hurt look. "How could you treat me like that, Edoo-kun! I thought we where friends!"

"The ham is done, Mr. Mustang," Pinako said, walking into the living room looking rather annoyed. "Next time have.. Hawkeye, is it? Have her make it. You pay her after all. I have work to do." She sat a plate with steaming cut ham on the coffee table in front of Roy, and walked out of the living room, Edward hot on her heels. Yes, on her heels. Her shoes weren't that great, but he was desperate.

"Ahhhh!" Roy said, breathing in the scent the sweet ham gave off, "Ham! My darling, beautiful ham! The taste and smell you give off entrances my heart in this tangled love affair!"

"Oh, my adoration for you," he said, picking up the fork, "and your beautiful taste!" He slowly picked up the piece of ham with the rather large fork, and inserted it into his mouth.

And then chewed.

He felt faint suddenly, very suddenly. But, rather then questioning why, he indulged himself in the taste the ham brought to his mouth, before slipping into darkness...

--

It was late at night when Riza had arrived home from her date with an older gray haired man who went by the name of Bill Clinton. Who she had not had sexual relations with. Really, it was more like a business dinner. I rub your back.. You rub mine..

She sighed, and reached into her coat pocket to open the door to the Rockbell house where she had been staying the past few weeks for no apparent reason. Pinako had given her the keys to get into the house because she had figured no one would be awake when she got home.

She opened the door and stepped into the quiet, dark house. Setting the keys down on the table, she noticed someone sleeping upright on the couch.

"Aw, how thoughtful," She said looking down at Roy with adoration, "he waited up for me to make sure I got home okay."

Suddenly her face screwed up with anger, "But I don't need an over protective father figure. I'm perfectly fine by myself. Well, as long as I have my gun with me." She patted her bulging purse, before turning on the hallway light and dragging the sleeping alchemist to his room.

She glanced into the dark compuher room, which was alight with the compuher screens light. Rose, Riza noticed, sat at the desk typing and clad in black.

_Rose was becoming emo?_ Riza questioned in her mind, before proceeding to her room to sleep.

No good could come of this.

--

Dante had arrived home from which the Homunculus assumed had been another hard day of work at the local McDonalds. Her McDonald's hat was screwed tightly on her head, and she dawned the classic McDonalds cashier outfit. But for some strange reason, their was a smile on her face. A strange, gaga smile... Like she was in heaven.

She hugged Envy happily, who threatened to stab her in the gut if she did it again, and she threw a raw steak out to Gluttony in the back yard. Next, she threw Wrath up in the air, and hugged Lust and Sloth. Then, the bell rang.

"I'll get it!" Her voice rang out shrilly, and she flew to the small front entrance of the older looking house. She threw open the door and kissed the person waiting out side on the cheek happily.

The pizza man blushed madly, and the black haired pale man behind her looked slightly angry.

"Excuse me," Envy said snobbishly, "that's my pizza!" He handed the blushing pizza man some cash, and took the pizza out of his hands. "And don't go kissing them, or they wont come back again!"

The pizza man left, mumbling something that sounded like "Thanks." Which left the woman and the man on the step.

"I'm sorry OroOro-kuunnn!" Dante said with a grin on her face, and pulled the man into a tight hug.

"It's okay, DanDan, I forgive you!" Orochimaru said, and turned his head to look at Kabuto, who immediately took a flower out from behind his back and handed it to Dante.

"Ohhh!" Dante swooned, "Thank you so much OroOro!"

"Uhh..." Envy said, his eyes wide and staring at the disgusting display of affection.

"What the heck?" Wrath said, twitching. "Moommmmyyy!" he yelled, and ran to hug Sloth, "Dante is being weird with the snake man!"

Dante eagerly invited Orochimaru into the house, and Kabuto followed quietly. They took a seat at the old table, and looked at everyone in the kitchen seriously. "Everyone," Dante declared, a smile on her face. "Meet Orochimaru, my boyfriend!"

Everyone stared in horror, except for Wrath, who was confused with the turn. "What's a boyfriend?" But no one answered, since they all where busy being disgusted speechless.

"I know, I know.. You think it's too soon? I know Hohenheim broke my heart, but that doesn't mean he's the only fish in the sea. I prefer snakes to fish anyways!" Everyone continued to stare.

"How did you guys meet?" Lust croaked up, breaking the silence.

"Oh, well, that's a funny story!" Sasuke and Rose muttered as they broke in through the window. They sat down at the table.

"Well once upon a---"

"Rosary, Rosary, that isn't the way a emo vampire ranger begins a story," Sasuke muttered.

"How does one go about it then, Sasuke-Danna?" Rose said back, a little too happily.

"Don't use that tone with me, Rosary."

"What tone?" Rose muttered, innocently.

Envy looked broadly at the floor. "I can see this is going to take awhile. I might want to take a seat." He sat down, and all the other homunculus followed his actions.

"That tone that wasn't a monotone," Sasuke said, and they started to whisper-argue.

"I did not use any tone besides a monotone!" Rose eventually shouted, tears staining her cheeks. "Why do you have to be so mean, Sasuke-Danna!?"

"Because I find contentment in others misery."

"Oh yeah. You told me that before, didn't you, Sasuke-Danna?" Rose muttered, her tears gone.

"Would you like to tell the story now?" Dante said, sending a glare in Rose's direction. "Honestly, if you don't become more coordinated, I'll steal Winry and use her for my new body instead!" She clutched Orochimaru by the arm, and buried her face in there. "And she's one ugly beast!"

Rose sighed, emoly. "Okay. I'll tell the story now."

"Don't begin it with 'once upon a time,'" Sasuke reminded her.

"Yes, Sasuke-Danna," Rose muttered. "In a dark room in the Rockbell home, I had accessed MySpace one night in January, to find a message waiting for me. It was from Sasuke-Danna. He said he had read my profile to find that Dante-sama was going to use my body as her new body, and immediately remembered that Orochimaru was going to use his body as a his new body, if that makes any sense."

"So, somehow... Even though she was an n00by happy girl, we got to talking, and realized: We should set up Orochimaru and Dante," muttered Sasuke.

"So we told them about each other..." Rose mumbled.

"And we started dating!" Orochimaru finished. He looked at Kabuto, and Kabuto leaned over and enveloped Dante in a hug, with a sigh. "And now," Orochimaru said happily, and glanced at Kabuto who let go of Dante and reached into his pocket, "I want to make you mine, Dante!"

Kabuto opened a black box, to find a gold ring with a large diamond on it.

"I would say yes... happily," Dante said, giving Orochimaru a loose hug, "But I'm afraid they have to agree to something."

She pointed at Rose and Sasuke who turned to look at eachother with a scared look, and whispered something to the other that sounded like "This wasn't part of the plan."

"What is it, DanDan?" Orochimaru asked, his facial features forming a pout as he glanced at Kabuto who then stuck his hand out reluctantly to rub Dantes back.

"They have to get married too." She grinned, "We could have a double wedding! It would be much less cost straining when we transferred bodies ag-- I mean for the first time."

After a moment, Rose's eyes opened wide, "Oh.. pretty dresses?"

---

Pacman and Barney sat in a small cafe, a double double with a cherry on top sitting in front of Pacman, and a cup of joe made with love and sunshine in front of Barney. They where discussing approach plans, and payments.

"Just because we're old friends doesn't mean I'm not going to charge full price for the killing."

"I expected that," Barney said, reaching into his big purple pocket and pulling out his wallet. He took out his check book and began to fill out the price. "This much, right?" He said with the smile, holding the check up for Pacman to see.

Pacmans eyes shot out their sockets, and his mouth dropped onto the table heavily, causing the double double in front of him to spill. "That's... alot..."

"You want me to lower my offer?" Barney blushed as he asked.

"No, no," Pacman said, retrieving his eyes and mouth. "It's not that much, I was kidding with you."

"So when you are going to do your job?"

"Tonight."

--

Gaara had recently left the room that he had stolen from Edward a week ago to sob and sleep in. As soon as he was able to leave the room, he began to hunt for a job -- which he needed, since he would no longer be traveling with his emo friend Sasuke.

He had found one as a cocktail waitress.

The Rockbells and unwanteds told him that it wasn't a good idea; Gaara wasn't a girl, he shouldn't have applied for a waitress position. But Gaara believed this would be his way to success.

So he put his wig and stuffed bra on in the morning, and went to work.

Edward was relieved to finally sneak into his room, and grab a change of clothes. In the week that Gaara had took the room, he had not been allowed in the room once, so he became rather... smelly.

He opened his closet to check on his shoe collection he had started. He opened the box he stored them in with care, as if the box where fragile. (But it wasn't.)

And that was when he noticed... His red ballet slippers where missing. Well, one of them was anyway. Edward cringed in horror, and a loud "NOOOOO!!" escaped his mouth before he began to consider who would have stolen it.

Who did he know that had a fetish for ballet slippers?

Himself, yes, but he was fairly certain he hadn't stole it.

Gaara? No, he was too stupid to know where Edward had hidden his shoe collection. And too boring to ever be interested in shoes.

But, who was left if it hadn't been himself or Gaara? Well, there was Envy... Pinako had said she had chased him out of the house a few days ago and that he was holding something red.

"THAT'S IT!" Edward declared, "ENVY TOOK MY SLIPPERS."

Winry stuck her head in his room, "But Envy doesn't like slippers."

"BALLET slippers."

"Ohhhh," Winry said, and disappeared again.

Edward grinned to himself, "I'm going to have to track that little son of a bastard down."

---

**A/N**: Greetings and Salutations from Gin and Kame. Quick updates? Our story actually has got a bit of a plot now! Not much of one... but at least it's a bit of one! And thanks for the reviews last chapter. Keep it up. :3 We shouldn't have to make threats to get a small review out of you. -lecture-

**Whispering Lilies  
****Kiarra-chan -** Sorry! We didn't pick on Naruto this chapter, but next one we will. :3  
**Beam The Chao  
****BakaKonekoRKL  
****Mitternacht  
****Diane-93**

Did you like the chapter? Do you think we suckkkkk? Do you think this chapter is a lame attempt at humor, or did you like it? **REVIEW!**


	8. The Stupid People are Many in Numbers

Disclaimer: Dont own nothing.

**Google: The Plotless Series**

**by Full Metal Cows**

**Chapter 8**

**The Stupid People are Many in Numbers.**

"So, now that I'm going to be your fath--"

"Step-parental-figure," corrected Envy. He and Orochimaru sat at the small table in the dinning room, cups of dishwater sitting in front of them, curtiousy of the Orochimaru's wife-to-be.

"--er, I think it's time that we lay down some rules," Orochimaru finished, giving a glare which Envy hardly noticed. "You will never talk back to me."

"What?" Envy said, looking taken-aback.

"I said--"

"I know what you said," Envy interrupted. "And I think it's time I lay down some rules."

"Not now, I'm laying down my rules," Orochimaru said with a cough.

"Nu-uh. I said I was laying them down first," Envy said, sticking out his tongue, and tightening his hold on the red slipper in his hand. "First off, you don't talk to, touch or go near this red ballet slipper. It's my best friend, and I stole it from my arch enemy. You. No. Touch."

"Cliché!" Orochimaru shouted, and looked at Kabuto who then slung his arm over Envy's shoulder. Envy quickly slipped out of the hold, taking his dishwater and ballet slipper, and then ran downstairs to his bedroom.

Orochimaru sighed, but perked up as soon as he saw Sasuke come into the door. He grinned, and asked Sasuke, "How was dress shopping?"

"Horrible!" Sasuke muttered, "Nothing seemed to fit me."

"They made you dress up like a model, eh?" Orochimaru asked, and then looked at Kabuto who lifted his cup to Orochimaru's head so he could drink.

"I suppose you could say that," Sasuke mumbled, a slightly reddish tinge gracing his facial features. "But I volunteered, actually."

Orochimaru grinned, "Awww, you're such a cute little emo girl! But I don't know if Rosary will marry you when she finds out you're a woman."

"I'm not a girl, okay?!" Sasuke shouted.

"That wasn't very emo," Orochimaru said happily. He stood up and swung his lifeless arms over Sasukes shoulder. He was just about to give some fatherly advice about molestation and emo power when Itachi burst into the room, Kisame's lifeless body hanging over his shoulder. But if you looked closely you could see a slow intake and outtake of breath.

"SASUKE!" Itachi shouted, throwing Kisame down (who grunted) and breathed in heavily. "You didn't tell me you where getting married!"

"I wonder why," Sasuke said, hiding behind Orochimaru in case Itachi decided to attack. Orochimaru looked at him like he was a wimp.

"But I need to know!" Itachi rambled, "I have to walk the girl down the isle... and I have to be the best man! Oh! I don't even have a nice suit... We'll go shopping for one! It'll be so funnn! We'll be able to catch up."

"Die," Sasuke said, glaring at his brother and feeling miserable.

Orochimaru gave him a look that said _that's not a very nice thing to say to your brother_. But Itachi grinned at this and simply said, "I can't yet, brother, for you do not have enough HATE! Maybe we'll get some of that too... its awesome cologne! You'll just love it... You'll smell like HATE!" Sasuke's interest seemed to peek at this.

"So you mean, all this time, when you said 'HATE' you meant expensive cologne?"

"Actually it's pretty cheap...," Itachi pondered. Suddenly, as if by some random force, Azula (otherwise known as Itachi's crazy girlfriend) burst into the room through the already broken window, unannounced.

"ITACHI UCHIHA, GET YOU ASS OVER HERE," She yelled, and smoke soared out of her nose quickly. "YOU WHERE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME MY MANICURE. WHO'S GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME IF YOU'RE RUNNING ABOUT PREPARING FOR WEDDINGS? WHOOO? DEIDARA? WE ALL KNOW HE'S A SLOB AT FINGER PAINTING." Itachi slowly walked over to his insane girlfriend, and took her hand. He then patted it to try to calm her down, for which she slapped him.

"Am not! It's art... I'm great at art, yeah!" Deidara's voice rang out from miles away.

"Aunty?" a small voice muttered from in the living room. "Why the heck are you here?"

"Rose?" Azula said, squinting to find something familiar about the emo girl standing before her. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Well," Rose began to retell the tale of her life, from her mothers death to MySpace to the wedding, "and today we went dress shopping -- but I didn't get to try anything on, because when Sasuke modeled them for us, he ripped them." Everyone looked extremely bored, but perked up when they knew the end of the story had come.

"I didn't here about Petunia's death until recently," Azula pondered, "She died in a tragic fruit cart accident, right?"

Tears dotted Rose's eyes as she nodded a yes.

"Oh, don't cry," Azula said in a harsh tone, "It's not very emo."

"It is too emo," Sasuke interrupted and everyone looked at him as if he had authority, "I'm the emo-boy in this story and I know everything about being emo. Just because your emo doesn't mean you cry a lot, in fact, you should cry a lot! Good job Rosary... You're cat--"

"She is not!" Azula interrupted, "I was the emo queen back when I went to school and I know for a fact that crying was off limits! You, Rosary, and your "danna" suck at being emo!"

"You're confusing us with pu---" Rosary began to say before she was interrupted by Sasuke.

"How dare you insult me!" he yelled, and jumped at Azula, pulling out his Swiss army knife. "I'm going to slash your wrists so much you really do die!"

"But Sasuke-danna, she's my aunt!"

"Boo hoo," was all Sasuke said as he struggled with the older woman. Itachi looked kind of freaked out, wondering whose side he should be on. Sure, Sasuke could kill the woman he'd wanted to get rid of for so long, but what if she survived? Could she make his life worse?

God only knows what will happen.

"Ah, bah, you guys again?"

--

Edward had broken exactly eight chairs, three windows, and the many bones of the unwanteds in the anger that was born from the loss of his lovely ballet slipper, the prize of his shoe collection.

Correction…RED ballet slipper. And don't you forget it that it's red, because we can do stuff so unheard of that it's still legal. Or you could fail a pop quiz because you haven't reviewed your notes. Just think... on the test there would be the question: What colour was Ed's ballet slipper which was the center of the plot in chapters 7 through (unknown)? You would sit there, puzzled, and because of this fail the class, not get a job, and end up soliciting for quarters.

Oh, his poor RED ballet slipper. He could only imagine what Envy was doing to it. Loving for it passionately and throwing it tea parties, Oh, and maybe even tucking it in the way Ed never could, because he just wasn't very good at that sort of "caring" thing.

And the ballet slipper twin's birthday was coming too! Ohh, to be kidnapped and not get your birthday cake --- he had to find it as soon as possible!

The very thought! At this rate his RED ballet slipper would love Envy! Not that it loved Edward now. Oh no. It missed its real owner. It wanted Ed dead with a fiery passion that burned like a youthful whore of some kind. Oh yes, the authors just went there, had tea there, and DESTROYED there. But not before they stopped and had a good look around whatever it is that is "There" And by "there" we mean the thin thread holding Edward Lucinda Elric's sanity.

"AAAH!" Screamed Ed, slapping himself across the face. He needed to get the damned narrator out of his head before his thread really snapped.

--

Gaara moved seductively, swaying his hips so much a man stopped to ask him if he had hurt himself. He giggled, as girlishly the best he could with his deep voice, and replied, "No, Hun, b-but do you want s-some more coffee?" He tried to put on his best customer service grin that he could as he shoved a mans hand off his butt for the fifth time in the shift.

At the end of the day he kicked of his high tops and placed his wig on the the little head thing wigs tend to be placed on. His feet were sore, his head was sore, his coffee poring hand was sore, but most of all, his entire butt was sore. He then walked into Edward's room, and didn't give a second thought as he removed the stuffed bra and put on a fresh shirt.

Unfortunately, for Edwards mourning eyes, Edward had been in the open closet, and unlike Gaara, was not estranged to the fact that he was in there. Edward's eyes widened and he looked as if he'd been mentally scarred for the second time that day.

Before he could say anything, though, Pinako came into the room holding an envelope in her right hand. Which was strange, since she was left handed, and made Edward suspicious. Perhaps she was the real culprit, and not that green haired palm tree everyone loved so much.

Pinako smiled falsely at the red haired boy, and said "You got a invitation from that guy you where married too—

"H-h-e-e ww-was ooonly mahhy f-f-fr-riend, o-ol' hhag."

"Get rid of that mouth or you can get out.''

"T-thhat's n-not a v-vvery nnnice t-thing-g t-to say-y t-to ss-someone w-who's-s m-mouuur-rning."

"Just... Bye," Pinako said, ending the conversation and stepping out of the room.

Gaara sighed. Oh how he missed Sasuke, but most of all, he missed Sasuke's fan girls. It was true, you didn't know what you have until it follows the guy that left you.

He opened the letter, making sure to give himself a few paper cuts while he was at it. The letter read:

"Dearest friend of DANTE, ROSE, OROCHIMARU AND/OR **SASUKE**,"

"It is our deepest happiness that we invite you, Gaara of the Sand, to attend the funer-- Wedding of Orochimaru to Dante/**Sasuke to Rosary**, of which you are considered a dear **friend**/relative."

"Please bring two gifts to the wedding rehearsal Saturday at One pm. No gifts no entrance to the wedding. Also, please bring an abundance of "HATE" because Sasuke would like to be able to kill his brother with his stench."

"Sincerely,

DANTE/OROCHIMARU/**SASUKE**/ROSE."

Gaara sighed heavily, tears brimming in his eyes, "W-why d-didn-n'tt y-you t-tell m-me y-your s-self, Sasuke?" Gaara said, letting out a sob, "I mean, i-it's n-not tthat l-l-long o-of a-a w-walk!" He crawled onto Edwards's bed, and lay there, crying silently until he fell asleep.

Puzzled and a bit annoyed at the drool coming out of Gaara's mouth and onto his pillow, Edward left the closet where he stored his shoes, and walked over to the letter. He picked it up at a regular pace, and skimmed through it, before throwing it down with a careless look.

"I didn't know Rose was getting married -- cool," he said, before walking out of the room, his other red ballet slipper in his hand.

--

Barney gently opened the door to basement, listening to the sound of quiet, shallow intakes of breath. He smiled lightly, happy to know that his prisoner was still breathing. "Petunia, dearest, Petunia? Still alive? I brought you some water," he sqeaked, as he came up to the grown woman hanging almost lifelessly from the chains on the wall. "And as a special treat for being a good girl, I brought you a ham sandwhich -- I know how much you love ham!"

"Unfortunetly," he mumbled, pondering, "I'm not sure how your going to eat it with no hands, so I decided that I'd feed it to you myself! Isn't that romantic?" He sighed, fluttering his eyes.

"You know, if you had just kept the deal up like you where supposed too, you'd be back in Lior now, serving the stupid priest guy!" He shouted, pacing back in forth, searching for the key in his pocket. "And if you would stop pretending you're mute then I would let you have a bed and some light or something; but no! You have to be soooo difffficult! Just tell me where the kid is!"

"No," The woman with light brown hair, "I'd rather eat saliva!"

"Fine then!" He said, sticking a hand in his mouth and feeding the girl dinasaur saliva.

--

"Here," Naruto said, handing Winry a rose, "I actually bought it myself because it reminded me of you, the lie in my beLIEve it."

"Where is everyone?" Winry sighed, looking around as she reluctantly took the rose from the blonde haired boy standing infront of her with a grin. She sighed, annoyed that no one else had shown up for the opening night of her play. "They knew this was the big night, but not even the old h-- grandma showed up!

"Oh well...They happend by at the start. But they left shortly before you came on. Something about 'Waste of my fricking time'...believe it!" Naruto said, "Or was it something about the taco stand not being open late today.. You know what? I'm really not sure, believe it."

--

"You know, I was glad when you finally said I could say stay for the wedding, but you didn't have to let my girlfriend--"

"Rosary's aunt, Sasuke corrected, shuddering when he thought about his older brother being in a relationship with someone. Seeing him with Barney had been a major scare on his mind; he hadn't recovered yet. He couldn't think about his brother being bisexual.

"You know, its really nice of you to let me stay in your room," Itachi sighed, laying back on his pillow on the floor, and Sasuke remembered how Dante had threatened him with a pitch fork. He really had had no choice in the matter.

"You know, I really need to sleep---"

"I think I know Rose from somewhere. She seems veerry familiar. I think I used to know her.. or maybe I knew her mother, or you know.. her like.. dog?"

"-- because I have to try on more dresses tomorrow--"

"And Azula, God, I love her, but sometimes she can be such a--"

"-- and it's awfully tiring mending the clothing after you rip---"

"Someone call me?" The truth interrupted.

"I had love for fangirl four too, well.. like.. not her, but her body, you know?"

"I sense lust," Gluttony said, wandering in. After all, Gluttony lived in the same house.. and so did Lust.

"And it's just so complicated -- with this guy named Barney following me everywhere like a stalker. I mean just because I was his partner before doesn't mean I still love him."

"You know, I think we should talk about this--"

"Mom and dad where always 'your my son, it shows. SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD, and a pay check would be nice' so I like.. really had no choice.. but to kill them."

"You fag, why dont you go --"

"And then I found out that I had got some girl pregnant, and Barney was all 'omg u better make that womn giv us te baby or im nut gunna c u nemore' and I was young and foolish you know, and I thought we were meant to be.. so we told the woman the plan and she had the baby.. then sent it away. So Barney just.. changed."

"Oh, jeese.. You haven't talked to anyone in awhile have--?"

"He like.. abused me for years, you know. And I thought that was the way it was supposed to be.. and just as he was getting better, I figured out that I wasn't gay... Just confused."

"Deep."

--

"The ham totally spoke to me," Roy mused, looking Riza in the eyes, "I'm not lying!"

"Sir, I think you need some rest.. You're being stranger then usual," Riza said, poking Roy in the face.

"You know, the ham said my idea about miniskirts was a awesome idea. I've never heard that before, from anyone besides my unmarried comrades.. It just felt so, encouraging, y'know? I have a new zeal to become the furher."

"Thats very nice, Mustang, but I really think you should go for a small nap," Riza muttered, grabbing Roy by the shoulders and forcing him into a standing position. "You must be so tired."

"I think Pinako put some kind of sleeping thing mixed with cocaine in the ham.. I'm suspicious of her.. she commited a unholy act after all."

"Actually sir, I think I know who it was."

"Who?"

"Pacman and Barney sir; Our men have been led to believe that they are working together for a unknown reason."

"Is Scar going to do something about this problem?"

"Apparently, he's been too busy. Something about a tea party with Maes."

"Why didn't they invite me?! I'm Maes best friend!"

"They're discussing top secret plans."

"Like what?"

"Your birthday party."

"REALLLLY!!? Oh my god! Tell me they're hiring a clown.. Gosh, I just love clowns!"

"Actually, sir, we all know your afraid to death of them."

"I know what I don't like and I don't like seshima!"

"What?"

"CLOUDS!"

"Have you been conversing with the bald people again?"

Roy merely shook his head innocently, but Riza knew otherwise.

"You know, sir, they lie! They lie like beef.. or rather, cows. Cows who like star wars."

"Are you insulting someone in particular?"

"No," Riza shook her head innocently.

"Oh, Anikan! Where would the world be without you?" Roy said, gripping a pillow and hugging it tightly. "Why did you go to the dark side?"

--

A/N: So, This has been another chapter with mainly.. plot developement! Can you believe we might be able to tie all these stories together AND we SOMEHOW developed a WHOLE complicated and STRANGE plot? We can't either.. it's weird.. It happened by itself. So thanks for the reviews.. It's longer this time.. not sure by how much, but it's longer..

Don't worry, if you dont understand how everything is related, you'll find out.

**xX-Chaotic-Order-Xx**

**Kiarra-chan**

**Niver**

**BakaKonekoRKL**

**Whispering Lilies**

**Beam the Chao**

**ALSO: **This is an Extra.. side story that we decided to add to the end.. If you can translate Hohenheims letter into propper english, we'll dedicate the next chapter to you (or do something for you.)

**Letters From Hoho-Papa**

Hohenheim stared out to the window, bored, when a idea came to him. He had to write his _beloved_ children his monthly letter. He sighed, still bored with the idea, but at least it would give him something to do. Besides, he needed to refresh his chat speak.

_Deer EdnAle,_

_Hilo! itz ur drstpapa brng u ur mnthly letta frome ur fav papa in te wordle. I no u ale luv mii sooooOOooOoOoOoOoO muche so i decidrd to tack sum tym otta mia bizzy daye to rite te u guyz. hop u dewin well im duin juts whell hear. U hrd frum envii l8ly? I n33d de snd im a lettah baht dun no hiz attress. culd u sind it bck in ur rply? OMG! BRB! bax lolz tat waz strng it waz buzin agen lyk wth? im sooooOOoOoOoOooO cunfuzelled, lollz!!!!!!!111111222234333! OMHG hav u hrd bout de movae cummin outt sewn? I hav its lyk.. lewking grt!!!!!!!! LOLZ!1!!!_

_dunt feorgett dat i nied u to snd me sum munii or i wnt mak de rent._

_Ur dad, _

_Hoh.. Hoh... Hoho... Ur dad. _

"Hey, Al, do you think if we don't reply he'll get evicted?" Ed asked, a smirk finding its way to his face.

"I guess."

"I'm glad for that," Ed said, throwing the letter in the garbage.

--

Don't forget to review!


	9. A Little Bit Off the Top Please

**Google: The Plotless Tale**

By Full Metal Cows

Chapter 9

A little bit off the top, Please.

_We don't own anything. FMA Hiromu Arakawa, not FULL METAL COWS. -sob- Naruto Kishimoto, and Barney and Elmo.. belong to who ever they belong too._**  
**

Winry Clarence Rockbell sat, rocking back and forth. Her eyes where bloodshot and her face was looking rather blood thirsty.

"Hey Winry! We're out of melon melody lipgloss! You know I wont eat anything with out melon melody spread on it!" Ed said, staring at a plate, which a ham sandwhich was occupying as if it where one of gaara's C-Cups.

"Blah blah conspiracy blah believe nothing blah..."

"Sorry. I didn't catch that, Unless it was a short joke. Then Only God can help you," Ed said, setting the ham sandwhich onto the livingroom coffee table. He kept on eye on it though, afterall, Roy did fancy his ham. Especially the fresh, sliced, and sweet kind.

"Listen kid, we've been through this. Not only is it a sin to use my name in vain, but I would have in a million years help a wrench weilding grease monkey! They made me pay extra for my car repairs, and I'm the freaking almighty!" said the parted, shining skies.

"Aren't you Osama or something?"

"No!" The parted clouds shouted, taken aback and looking exgasperated, "I'm Sadam!"

At this point Winry could no longer take it. She stood up and let her wrench drop to the floor. No, she knew that she finally could do this with out her wrench. "Ed, Remember when I was Poe?'"

Ed shuddered, "Vaguely..."

"Well..., Uhm, eat custard," She said, before her eyes suddenly bulged out of her body and she let out word vomit, "BELIEVE IT!"

She stood up, pointing her hand into the air in a very heroic looking pose, and called out loudly "COME TO ME, MY MINIONS!" When nothing happened, she slumped her shoulders and let out a sigh. Winry then reached into her pocket and pulled out a odd looking scroll, before putting her hands into a very naruto-like positions, and called out, once again, "SUMMONING TECHNIQUE!"

The scroll exploded, giving the show Sadam in the sky was seeing a extra touch. When the dust cleared though, a strange looking creature appeared. It seemed to be covered with bees.

Winry looked displeased, but this did not stop her from continuing on. "Get him, Huge.. DEMON BEE COVERED DEMON---"

"Elmo isn't loved, you love elmo!?" The creature said, jumping towards Edward, his arms outstretched.

Edwards mouth dropped suddenly, and as he slipped out of conciousness as the evil monster came towards him, he heard someone shout "It's ELMO!"

--

"Where are you going?" Asked Roy who wasn't used the the Lt. going anywhere with out him or ham.

"I'm going to get my hair.. how they say.. did," Riza said, picking up her keys and purse from the floor before grabbing her jacket.

"Oh, are you preparing to ask a certain boss out?" Roy questioned with half lidded eyes and a smirk on the face from the coach.

"No, I'm going to a salon to get my hair... did..., for my late mothers uncles wedding... or is it my late uncles aunt? Cousin? ... I don't know," she said, pondering.

"Oh, okay, will you bring back some honey ham? I saw Ed with a sandwhich and now I have a craving."

"Why didn't you just steal it, sir?"

"He usually puts that gloopy melon stuff on it. It ruins the flavor," Roy sighed.

"He didn't this time," Riza said, slipping into her coat. "We're all out of Melon Melody lip gloss."

"Oh, so thats what he's yelling at Winry about, hey," Roy spoke.

"In any case, can't you get Elmo to go get you some ham? I don't really have time to stop."

"No, he's busy.. Winry summoned him. ... And those nasty bee's too."

--

Even before he opened his eyes, he groaned and rubbed his head. And his eyes where still closed as he said "Where am I?"

"No place Special, just my domain of EVIL PLOTTING HAPPY SUNSHINE HOMOSEXUAL SHRINE!" chanted Barney the dinosaur as he pranced around his old shack home.

"How did I get here?" Maes hesitantly asked, opening his eyes and sitting up. He looked around to see nothing particularly exciting enough to describe.

"You're here to do my bidding," Barney said with a smile, "You signed a contract. ... Maaaan, you where drunk on them cookies!"

"How did I get here?" Maes asked as he began to fish out his wallet but thought better of it. He had no idea what this thing did with children. "Whats your bidding?" He asked instead of showing Barney his daughter, and because he really was too hung over to protest.

"You see, my house is a real mess. With my evil plotting to kill Kisame, organising house parties at other peoples houses, preforming on a famous kid show, and torturing the woman in my basement, I have no time to clean," Barney sighed, "So what I really need is a maid. Someone that will clean up every mess made; whether it be pizza boxes or bodies. I think your the man for the job."

"Do you.. really?" Maes said, his eyes watering, but his lips not in the form of a smile. "I'm so honoured," he tried to swallow out although he was rather disturbed about this. "But I don't think I can do that, because I have children at home waiting for me." He stood up, and walked to the door, opening it.

"But you signed a contract. Besides, I can take care of the little kid. I got experience."

"I'm a man of my word, not my signature," Maes said with a sigh, "So sorry. You'll just have to settle for the Latin maids in the phone book." And, he thought to himself, I don't need my daughter to have to be forced to be watched over by this.. probably-has-AIDs thing.

"Awww!" Barney whined, "But they never clean the french way!"

--

"Oh look at this one! It's so Blue and it has ruffles!" Itachi shouted, running towards the shop which was aptly named _Pretty Tuxedos_. He had a grin on his face, as he bounced around.

"Why would you want ruffles on a tu--" Sasuke said as emoly as he, the emo prince, could muster, but was once again (probably the 100th time that day) cut off.

"OH MY GOSH! They even come with high heel clogs!"

Sasuke sighed to himself, glancing around before sticking his hands in his pockets. "I'd really rather be looking at dresses," he muttered.

After a hour of searching through the aisles of the perky store, Itachi had managed to find himself 3 different suits, but had not managed to find Sasuke more then one. But Itachi was not letting that fact bring down his shopping experience. "Oh my god! I'm so happy. I haven't gotten to wear anything but this black, white and red fashion reject for like.. the past 5 years!" Itachi said happily.

Sasuke, who had barely gotten a sentence in during the whole shopping trip, finally had a question to ask. "Didn't you get to wear whatever you wanted while you where... _with _... Barney?"

"Well, I still had strong ties with Akatsuki during that time, and to actually get out of the group for awhile, I actually had to agree never to remove the coat. It's a silly rule, but hey... I'm not one to question authority," Itachi said with a chuckle, "Especially with they have a lawyer at your neck and are holding you up against the wall." Sasuke snorted, feeling offended. He liked lawyers.

They finally reached the registor, where Itachi set the items they had bought. The only thing Sasuke bought was a black tuxedo with a purple and yellow pockedoted tie, while Itachi had gotten a series of pink suits with high heeled clogs.

--

After Orochimaru's lecture about waiting for your elders to wake up from their old people beauty sleep was over, Wrath walked into the room with a less then pleasant look on his face. Sloth stood behind him, yawning.

"Well, Wrath," Sloth said, yawning, "Tell them."

"Grandma!" Wrath cried, and ran over to Dante. "I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry!"

Dante looked down at him, a little angry because she had been called Grandma, but mostly creeped out about being hugged. She pushed him away, and said, "What did you do now, Wrath?"

"Well...You wont be mad will you?"

"Wrath, Please! I'm mad half the time you do things right. There's no chance I wont be mad when you screw something up."

"Thank God, I was worried for a second," Wrath sighed, obviously only hearing what he wanted to.

"Well You see, I was playing in the bathtub, then I was thirsty. So I went to get a drink. But the bath water was clean so I had to pull the plug." He paused either for breath or to be dramatic, "The rings were in the bathtub because I take them every where with me, when I'm going to the bathroom, their there, when I change, their there and when I play battleship with Envy, they are in a safety box with Envy's red slipper."

"Yes... Keep going," Dante ushered him on.

"Well, I forgot to take them out and well, they almost went down the drain. But I got them in time, but then dropped them in a garberater to see what would happen. They say diamonds are really strong!" Wrath said quickly.

"Oh, that's okay, they are!" Dante said clenching her teeth. "Now be a good little sin and go fetch it from the sewer before Grandma kills you till you're dead."

"Aw! But that was nasty things down there! Like last nights dinner!" Wrath whined, before looking around at the people starring at him. "What? That McDonalds stuff was crap!"

"Just.. go!" Dante said, rubbing the back of her now crying fiance, who was mumbling something about the hard work he put into ordering the McDonalds because they didn't deliver.  
--

The restuarant was quiet, and smelt like the pasta restuarant it was. This was rare, if you came after 5 o'clock in the afternoon, since they would be reusing pasta that wasn't eaten by then. But Al knew better then to bring Kagura there at that time, so they sat there eating their food at noon.

"So, Kagura," Al said shifting back and forth in his seat. "I've really enjoyed these past few weeks with you. Watching you eat the fresh pastas I've paid for, and I've really enjoyed talking to you about you. But..., and I know this may be painful..., I'm just not ready for a serious relationship. I want to flirt and have fun!"

"Besides, I think you've been a little selfish, like.. like a boar of some kind. Ino never did anything to you, but you threw her down the stairs and into Winry's computer!"

"And I... want to see other girls," He finally finished, looking down at his hands. Anywhere but Kagura's face.

"Will you still pay for friday pasta days?" Kagura asked, chewing thoughtfully.

"I don't thin--" Alphonse sighed.

"Either you pay for it, or I'll cry!"

"... Yes, m'am."

"Good," she said, going back to her food.  
--

"... I think he's coming too," a blury man said, twitching readily as they all watched Ed lie on the couch with impatience.

"Will he be okay, Dr. Roy?" Winry said, squeezing her grandmothers arms. "If he dies from a few bee stings, then how am I supposed to electricute (spelling?) him?"

Roy put his fist in his mouth and began sucking. "Well, considering he used elmo as a shield he should be fine."

Armstrong returned to the room with a bandaid kit in hand. "How will he be.. mind wise?" he asked, "I've heard bee stings can leave someone.. OFF THEIR ARMSTRONG FAMILY TRADITION BALL. ... Or at least, thats what mom tells me."

Ed opened his eyes, though we can hardly call them eyes with out the Russians breathing down our backs in the backyard. He sat up from his sleeping position on the couch, covered in red dots generally referred to as bee stings. His eyes where quite swollen, for Winry had secretly told them to get the eyes first, because afterall, eyeballs make tasty cream puffs.

"Who are you?" He asked, reaching to rub his eyes, but finding that it hurt rather badly to do that.

"Finally, bean, we thought you'd be lying on that bean-fitted couch for the rest of your unknown shorty-bean days, Edward," Roy said, turning to the small table beside him, and picking up the ham sandwhich he had made for after the bean had woken up. The doctor business was hard work, he deserved a ham sandwhich.

"Whose Ed? My names Rasputin, and get that sandwhich away from me! Ew! Crumbs!" Ed spat out loudly and disfavourably. The Russians in the back yard gasped, and withdrew into the grassy plains, leaving their pitch forks behind.

Roy looked at him with much more disfavour, and sighed loudly. "Look, Ed, insulting my ham isn't funny, even if you think it is. Winry, get him."

Winry reached to grab her wrench, which she had loyally retrieved, and threw it harshly at the blonde, unsuccessfully. Edward managed to lift his hand and stop it in time, with little emotion. This left the whole room in awe.

"NOT EVEN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY AND ITS TRADITIONS CAN STOP WINRY!" Armstrong gasped, "Sir Elrics brain has been traumitized by Elmo!"

"Elmo is sorry," Elmo said, stopping in, "Elmo couldn't control himself."

"I think you should--" Armstrong began, but Roy interrupted him.

"No, no," Roy said, inviting the red monter-thingy to sit down, "He might jog uhmm.. _Rasputins_... Memory."  
--

Wrath strolled happily through the sewer, giggling to himself. "Why do people hate this place so much?" he asked himself, picking up a chocolate bar off the ground. No, really, it was a REAL chocolate bar. He sighed, giddley, and surveyed everything around him. Apple tree's swayed with the light breeze, and Wrath could do no more then imagine the tasty crab apples they would give off. Also all over where pink, most likely cotton candy, bushes. In between everything, there layed a brown brick path.

Then, quite suddenly, little people resembling Ed, maybe taller, crawled out from the dank water.

"Who are you?" Wrath asked.

"We are the bean, so short you could burn with a magnafiying class people," they replied in awe.

"Do I have something on my chin, or have you all just fallen madly in love with me? You can't just use me to get to my chocolate bar, Envy fell for that once, why do you think he wont let anyone touch his red ballet slipper?" Wrath rambeld on and on, rubbing his chin and not rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"You stole the Big Bad FUTURE Winry witch's chocolate bar! You are in big trouble little guy!" The little people chimed in unison, stomping their feet back in forth in some strange cultural dance.

"...Little?"  
--

Maes solemnly walked along the road, pouting, obvisouly, that he had no one to drive him back to Risembool. He had also spent all his money on the cookies, and had no money for the train. Barney had pushed him roughly out the front door, and thrown 5 dollars at him to pay for a cab. Unfortunetly, everyone had neglected to tell Barney that they had yet to invent Cabs and they certainly wouldn't take you to a little hick town.

So, he walked, occasionally stopping to gurgle down the water he had payed a arm and a leg for. Yes, 2 cents was a arm in a leg.

"What a rip off...," He pouted, looking at the container which held the fresh water. Sighing, he continued walking, destination pointless. But he knew he'd make it. That is, if he didn't die in the extreme heat we had neglected to tell everyone about earlier in this segment.

Suddenly, deluded and without warning, he fell into a hole. Not just a pot hole, as commonly occur in the area in which he walked, but a steep and deep, suspicious hole. Inside, it was dark and deluded, and Maes felt lost as he looked up to the light above him.

"Whose there!?" Someone shouted, and Maes felt a knife on his throat.

"It's me, Maes," he replied, immediately reaching for his pocket, "And this is my daughter!" He pulled out the pictures and listening them to the silent figure in front of him, whose hold on his neck loosened, and the body slumped.

Good, Maes thought, he's fallen asleep.. But I had yet to show him Elysia playing her first band instrument with her boogers!  
-- End --

A.N: Further developements leading up to the big tie up! And no, you shan't know what the tie up is until you see it! Well, it wouldn't be "A plotless tale" if we stuck exactly to the plot. And it wouldn't be plotless if you couldn't predict it.

Although, technically, this is "The Plotless Plot Tale." ... But dont get technical.

Anyway, the chapter is deticated too... **xX-Chaotic-Order-Xx**! Because she got it completely right, although she left the chatspeak in. If you want like.. a picture or something, you can have one. Because, chapter detication is like.. lame, man.

Runner up: (So, if, she like, doesn't read the chapter, you'll win.) is... Whispering Lilies.

Sorry to Beam.. we need to actually see the thing for you to possibly win. xD

Oh yeah, sorry for the delayed update. Gin was off in Arizona again and we worked at the chapter.. very.. very.. slowly...

Yours Forever and ever.. until now,

Full Metal Cows.

Remember! RRR! Read, Remember and Review! ... And you better!

Thanks for all the reviews: Kiarra-chan, xX-Chaotic-Order-Xx, Beam The Chao, Whispering Lilies.

Moooorrrre!


	10. Ohhhhh yeah!

Disclaimer: We do not own the bitches, bling and blunts mentioned in this chapter. They all belong to their rightful rappers.

We now humbly present you with a new chapter. Review... After you read.

**Google: The Plotless Tale**

**by Fullmetalcows**

**Chapter 10**

**"Ohhhhh yeah!"**

"I have a confession," a dark haired lady sighed out loudly into the quiet, dark room. Her eyes only remained half open as she tried to hide the secret she was about to spill with her eyes. "And I feel now is the time to let the cat out of the bag."

"Muhuh... Cat?" Maury murmured, opening his eyes suddenly. He looked around before it came back to him. "Oh yeah! That cat.. Everyone, this young lady has a secret she would like to share with her boyfriend. What is it?"

"I've been cheating on my boyfriend of two days.." She mumbled out as the crowd began to boo quite loudly.

"Yes, and there is something quite weird about this situation. right?"

"... Yes."

"Well, should we call him out?"

"... Yes."

"Come on out, Havoc!"

"Edo-- I mien rassy-k00n," Fangirl number 2 yelled into the crazy delusional mans ear, "I brut u sumthin!!!!!"

Everyone stood off to the side of the room, watching the scene from afar. "Do you honestly think this was a good idea?" Roy asked, looking at Riza pointedly, "You do know that when she sees me she's just going to jump all over me and forget about her job, right?"

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Riza said, trying to stifle the laughter that was racking at her ribs. "I mean, heh, you did.. heh, really let yourself, heh, go with all that honey ham."

"Ha! That's what you think, Lt. Hawkeye! I'm fit as ever, and it's all because of my SUPER DUPER ULTIMATE MUSCLE GAINING PROGRAM!" Roy yelled out, attempting to rip his shirt into shreds with his muscles, but miserably failing the familiar technique. "THE, urr, uhmm.. ALL, uh, HAM DIET! ... Jeese, the military sure does make these shirts durable.."

"Actually," Scar said, sporting his professor glasses, corn-cob pipe and white coat, "I actually used the cheapest, most earth friendly material in these new suites. By the way, what would you think about pink suites for the State Alchemists? It would.. make it easy to spot them, and kil-- recruit their help."

"HOLY MILITARY GIRLS IN MINNI SKIRTS!" Riza screamed before she could stop herself. That fangirl knew her way around a defenseless midget.

"Riza…you…you like my idea?"

"No I detest it, it just make a good shocked line, not to mention the authors willed it."

"Pfft," Roy said, "I don't want to help anyone." Obviously disappointed that Riza still didn't like his idea. He would have to trademark that sentence. With that, he glanced at a extremely pissed off delusional kid who was being kiss-attacked by a certain fangirl. "Heh," Roy said, "If I'm not mistaken, Edward has become a bit green in the face. He might be going to throw up... Excellent, everything is going according to plan."

Riza looked at him weirdly, and muttered "I bet he hasn't taken his... pills today."

-

"Okay," a black figure said, looking at the small crowd in front of him. "Itachi and Kisame have run off for some family thing.. But that's not what we're here to discuss."

"What are we here to talk about, un?" a blonde haired dude said.

"Yeah, I wanted to make baked Alaska tonight!" Pinocchio snorted, "Instead I'm here, listening to the crap your going to spill out of your stupid human ears..."

"Yeah, and I wanted to eat the baked Alaska!" Hindan said, as he struggled to hold onto his virgin sacrifice, "God forgive me."

"Yeah, and why is everyone saying yeah so much?" a orange-masked man named Tobi cried happily, "but I'm very happy to be here leader, because Tobi is a good boy!"

"Quiet your mouth Tobi," The half-plant half-man Zetsu scolded.

"We're here to talk about the evil that threatens our evil. The one true evil that makes our evil look like a stall in which someone has neglected to flush the toilet!"

The Akatsuki gasped in horror.

"How ever are we to deal with such an...SUCH A MEANIE, UN?!" Deidara said, doing the potty dance. Really, one would think he would have been to occupied with the dance to reply so dramatically, let alone reply at all.

"What are all of us doing in this story?" Asked the chick with the flower on her head. "I mean, THIS ISN'T SUPPOSE TO BE A CROSSOVER!"

"Well, it's easy enough to explain. You see, the authors are upset about the story developing a plot, so upset that the only relief they get is by developing so many plots it becomes annoying." Answered Maes', who had fallen into the Akatsuki hideout and was now a honorary member. " It's a good thing their lazy, I was suppose to fall into a hole containing Osama Binladen, then the Kool Aid guy, then Ryuk...and then credit card debt..."

"SHUTUP!" The Leader screamed, "...I'm trying to tell you about the evil to destroy all evils."

"Continue." The mumbled in unison, sometimes Leader could be such a pre-Madonna.

"Well, as I was saying, this new evil is the most vile, ugly, fat, putrid creature to ever walk the earth...she was born in the fiery pits of a quiet little unpowerful, peaceful country town. Her human name is..."

DUN DUN DUN

"Winry Rockbell!"

-

Wrath wandered down the...well, we're pretty sure your brains don't need the mental scaring of what the road was, but we hope that drives the point across, that the So short you would step on them and they wouldn't even be crushed, people had told him to follow to beg the Great Big Bad Future Winry's forgiveness, not that he would, he just assumed that the she would have taken the wedding ring and tried to force it on her great big ugly finger.

"HEY, HEY YOU!" Bellowed an old mans voice, "GET OFF MY LAWN! AND I'M NOT OLD YOU STUPID AUTHORS!"

The man was obviously Kakashi. The only reasoning for this...Scarecrow...Kakashi...yeah.

"The authors have to much spare time, I FEEL A BOND WITH THEM!" Kakashi screamed.

"Yho, want to come beat the shit of the big bad Winry with me, maybe she could occupy your time!"

"You know, if it wasn't for her banning it, I could be reading Make out paradise right now. I mean, it's not wonder I'm grumpy and sound like an old man, I need my fix like any other addict." Kakashi sobbed into Wraths chest as Wrath patted his back knowing all to well.

"I feel the same way about lawn bowling."

-

Gaara sat in Rose's closet watching her intently. What could make his beloved Sasuke –spit- go after such a…such a bimbo with big boobs! Now who would he have pull his hair and spit in his eye and call him a useless goth queer?

"You could always ask Ed," Rose said, awkwardly patting him on the back. It wasn't as if she hadn't been called a big breasted bimbo before.

"Oh please, that's like telling me not to cut my wrists because mommy would be sad…or like asking me to sleep with one of my many fangirls. I just couldn't do it!"

"Well when you put it that way…"

-

"So Lusty, why ever did you drag me to this show?" Havoc asked, looking more pissed then peachy.

"I have…a confession."

"And what would that be? WAS IT YOU WHO WAS EATING COOKIES IN THE BED? BECAUSE-" Havoc ranted, how he loathed cookies and abhorred bed crumbs.

"No..no darling… I've…. I'VE CHEATED ON YOU!" Lust screamed dramatically. "AND I…I DON'T REGRET IT EITHER!"

"WWWWHHHHAAAAATTTT?!"

"We'll be right back," said Maury as he snacked on some popcorn.

-

"And you know little bother, I've always hated that shirt. In fact, another reason I killed the whole clan was because I felt I needed to save them from the fashion police! And they would have revoked my membership to Cosmo…"

Sasuke just blinked. "Are you sure you're bisexual?"

Itachi blushed. "Are you sure you're an emo?"

"You know…sometimes I really wonder. I mean, it's probably the drugs. Stinking Orochimaru."

-

Alphonse stared blankly at the wall. He was with out a girlfriend for the first time in years. It seemed as if all the girls where either fangirls, or lesbians.

"I must do something about this…. problem. I'm going to have to see Stephen Harper!"

"Homophobe!" Someone screamed.

Meanwhile

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, LETS HOPE I DON'T HAVE A SEXUALY TRANSMITED DISEASE!

Back to the story

-

Winry started blankly at the Idiot box… what had she done?

"LOOK WHAT I MADE, BELIEVE IT!" Naruto said smiling at his…his…Winry.

"What did you make?"

"I MADE A ROCK LEE WII ON YOUR WII!"

"Oh goodie, I think I'm going to go look at spider porn on the compuher."

"About that," Riza began to ask, "Are you finished with the new one yet?"

"Tee hee, I'm going to call it Brock lee!" Naruto giggled.

"That? It's been done for months, I think I'm in more of a monkey mood.."

"Then what is the military still doing her!"

"BOWLING ON THE WII!" Screamed a delighted Roy.

"Oh lordy, sir."

-

"Okay… So first of all, what am I doing here?" Edward (or Rasputin) asked himself as he sat up on the small bed, feeling slightly nauseous. Looking around, he saw the bedroom in jumbles. The memories returned to him rather quickly.

"Gosh, after what that weird looking blonde bimbo fangirl did to me, she could have at least left a note for me," he sighed, supporting himself with his arms, which he had to notice, where very different from each other. "Why is one of my arms metal? … SOMEONE! CALL GREGORY… Wait, I am Gregory… I can't perform a miracle on myself! The dude in the black expressly forbade it!"

"Edward?" Pinako whispered slightly, "Did you have a bad dream? You know you shouldn't scream when you have bad dreams, it's not going to solve anything. Oh, don't tell me, you wet the bed again, didn't you?"

"Edward? Who is that, old hag standing at the doorway?" Edward asked, looking at the older lady as if she was an alien.

"… Uh, you," Pinako said, creasing her brows at him. "Oh damn. You didn't wet your bed… You doing crack aren't you? Well, where is it? TELL ME BOY!"

"I am not… uh, what was the name?"

"Edward. Show me where you're hiding the crack…"

"Oh yes. I am not Edward. I am Gregory Yefimovich Rasputin, chief advisor and miracle-practitioner to the Royal Romanov family."

"Edward, this is your last warning. You show me where that crack is or I'm sending you to dry out. First alcohol… Now this! This wont bring your slipper back!"

"YOU CAN'T PROVE THA— I mean, what slipper?" Edward nervously asked.

"Aha! I've found it!" Pinako yelled triumphantly, "… But it's not crack. Nor does it seem that you have smoked the... ninjawana?"

"Kabuto gave it to me!" Edward shouted, "I … uh … I mean, what the hell is that?"

"How dare you question my authoritah!" Pinako yelled angrily.

"You're not my mom!"

"That's it, Edward. It's off to dry out for you!"

"No! I can't! They're going to show a special on Dr. Phil today about retrieving lost slippers!"

-

And now, a special message from Itachi…

You know, we've poked a lot of fun at the expense of some of us 2D characters about our sexual orientation. But this is a serious matter. In fact, half of the people that are implied to be gay are really asexual. And quite frankly, no 2D character likes it up the ass, especially with all the fangirls they have. Don't act innocent, they're like groupies for Bands. The only one of us who is truly a queer little bastard, not a bastard because he's queer but because he's just a bastard, is Barney. And that's because he's 3D.

Authors Note: We really don't have an excuse for not updating so long. We could give you some line about studying for exams…but you know, we didn't even study, so… but we do pass. Because, y'know, we're genii. 8D And… yeah. This isn't really our best chapter…BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US, ANOTHER ONE?…Most likely. So we'll hold it hostage if you complain.

Reviewers:

Beam The Chao

xX-Chaotic-Order-Xx

Whispering Lilies

BakaKonekoRKL

Kiarra-Chan


	11. Ohhhhh no!

**Google: The Plotless Tale**

**by FullMetalCows**

**Chapter 11**

**"Oh nooo!"**

"Hey Ed," Pinako said, looking in the rear view mirror of her horse-drawn cart, "Why are you still here?"

"Well, to start off with, my precious balerina slipper has disapeared. I cannot continue to find the Philosphers Stone without it. And second of all, where Roy's pretty, cool, and tasteful shoes go.. I go," Edward said, with a bit of distraction. He was trying to find the way out of the cart so he could escape and find his slipper. Also, he did not want to see the men in white. They where cold, and scarier then Alaska's winter.

And, might he say, Alaska's winter was pretty _scary_. At least, that was what the truth had said. Edward didn't even know what Alaska was.

Silence again fell between the two. Pinako intently concentrated on the bumpy road in front of her, and Edward continued to pick the carts lock with a toothpick. He could have just jumped out of the cart, for it had no top, but he thought that was too easy.

"Edward, that's getting annoying. Give up, it's not working. You just keep breaking them... Wait, how many of those things did you bring?"

Edward grinned and held up a box of a thousand toothpicks. "Enough to get the job done."

Pinako probably shouldn't have let go of the horse-things, but she just had to smack her hand to her face and mutter, "You really are crazy." Which is what caused the cart to veer off of course into the ditch.

"Hey, Roy, I was wondering.." Riza said as she walked into the livingroom where Roy sat enjoying his ham sandwhich, "for this wedding we all got invited to, we have to bring a date... I was.. wondering if.. if..."

"OH YES RIZA! MY LOVE, YES!" Roy exclaimed, standing ebruptly and raising his hands dramatically.

"...So you have Jeans number?" Riza finished, shooting him a _your really enthusiastic about this _look.

"Whaaaaatt!?" Roy once again yelled out in surprise. He had believed that Riza was going to .. to ask him. He didn't know whether to feel embarassed or angered.

"Well, since I'm on probation, I have to do some type of charity work. I figured that would be the best idea." Riza explained, sweat dropping in the anime fashion and rubbing the back of her neck as she did.

"Why are you on probation..?" Roy said, looking at her with suspicision. He was still a bit angry at her for choosing charity over him. Darn the law... It had prevented his happiness in so many ways! If he could have murdered the furher, he would be furher by now! But no, the law was holding him back!

Pfffft, murder being a crime. What a stupid law.

"My dog went to the bathroom in a public domain and I didn't have a bag with me."

"A horrible crime!" Roy said with a sigh, and felt as if he would vomit. He had never heard of anyone who had ever violated the important law to pick your doggy doo. It was way to important!

"I know, I got 6 months probation and the dog was put down."

Wrath arrived at his destenation, where the appararent "Big Bad Winry" resided with a few extra people. Kakashi had decided to follow him in hopes of gaining his Make Out Paradise book back, so that he could live his life just like any other porn addict, and not a old gun-weilding maniac on his front steps.

And then there was the tin man, Alphonse. They had found him sitting froze in the grass, crying as if something had been stolen from him. "Oh Gluttony!" Wrath had said to his pet homunculus, "Look at that poor dreadful creature!"

_"Oh, sniff, I want my, sniff, body back!" The tin man cried out loudly._

_"Excuse me, young man," Kakashi said, kneeling down beside him, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING SITTING ON MY PROPERTY?!"_

_Wrath reached out and grabbed Kakashi's shoulder to calm him down. "He means to say, whats wrong, young man..."_

"_Well, society! I mean, WHEN EMO-ESC CHILDREN CAN WALK THE STREETS LIKE THE COMMAN WHORE! I MEAN, THEY'RE JUST LIKE A WHORE, AN ANGST WHORE! But less importantly, I can't get my body back because the truth has it, and we need the philosophers stone, but my Big Brother is to busy looking for his lost ballet slipper, and, I. NEED. A. GIRL. FRIEND.. and on top of that, He's run off! For some stupid ballet slippper! Like it's more important then me, his only brother! His only family!"_

_-_

Hohenheim flinches somewhere in the distance.

"Ouch."

-

"_Whores," mused Kakashi, " I miss whores." _

_"Could you uh.." Wrath sighed, slapping Kakashi hard in the back, "Repeat that?"_

_The tin man sniffed, and looked up at them, imaginary tears in his red-dotted eyes. "My brother left me here... and it's been two ... days! And I was going to go look... for him... but then... my joints froze all up... and I dont know what tooo dooooo!" He wailed._

_Wrath quickly surveyed the grounds, and found an oil can not to far away. "What if I just greased up your joints? Would they move?"_

_He sniffed, and said in a tiny voice, "Maybe..."_

_Kakashi continued seething in the background, wishing that he had not left his gun at his home because it would have been very useful. He would have been able to shot the stupid little tin child-thing off his property and continue to find the big bad Winry._

_Wrath quicky oiled up the boy, and then helped him up. It was a bit difficult because he was a heavy old chap, but they managed. Wiping his hands on his shirt, he turned to him and asked, "What's your name, kid?"_

_"Alphonse, sir, and thank you very much. I should be off to find my brother now!"_

_Wrath had a feeling that it would be a bad idea for Alphonse to try to find his brother, so he grabbed him as he tried to walk away. "You may be able to find your brother easier if you come with us to see the big bad Winry lady."_

_"Huh? Oh yes… Brother might be there... He does have tea with Ms. Winry-lady on Saturday afternoons.. Of course, he is on a hunt for his beloved slipper, so he might not be there.." Alphonse pondered to himself._

_Wrath and Kakashi's mouths gaped open, wondering how this could possibly be. After a few moments of silence, Kakashi mustered up the courage to ask, "You do know that big bad Winry is an evil overlord, right?"_

_"Winry... Evil? I doubt it!" Alphonse said with a laugh. "The most she's ever done is squish a fly!"_

_Kakashi looked ready to punch the boy out, because he had undermind the fact that he had lost his most beloved book. But as he reexamined the armour that the boy was, he decided against it._

_"Whatever," Wrath said finally, "lets just go."_

Wrath certainly didn't know what to make of this boy, this _Alphonse _and his opinions of this big bad Winry lady. Although, he wasn't quite sure that Winry was evil, he was just assuming from whatever had told him that she was. And he hoped she was, it would be a lot more interesting to have an antagonist in his little story.

They walked on.

-

"Ahhh… Why'd we end up with this mission? I thought it was a group thing, un.." Deidara whined, dragging his feet along and trying to keep up with the over enthusiastic Tobi.

"Cheer up, Deidara-sempai! This is our chance to prove that Tobi is truly a good boy!"

"I'd appreciate it if you would at least wait until I was gone to start complaining," the leader of Akatsuki, Pein, said.

"All the more reason for you to answer the damn question, un."

""U... Omfg... Pein.. is the lrdr!!!!!!?!!!!!!1111 WHOZ DAT ITS SPUSD 2 B DA ISH NRTOS DUD!!!!! NUT DIZ GUI!!!!222!" Fangirl number 109-667-8282 screamed from her cage.

Pein sighed. These… fangirls.., that were to stupid to keep up with recent chapters where most bothersome, "Hidan, if you please."

"Are you kidding me? These aren't virgins! THEY ARE FAR FROM IT!"

"FINE THEN! Zetsu, they're all yours."

"If I must, but think of all the calories, not the mention the heart burn."

"Zetsu, they aren't fat."

"That's what I meant. I never eat any human under 500 calories. It's not healthy for my leaves!"

Pein cringed. "World domination, world domination, world domination," he said, rocking back and forth.

"Oh just great! You broke him again!" Konan scolded.

"Uhmm… sooo, " Deidara said mindlessly playing with his hair. "DO YOU THINK YOU COULD TELL US ABOUT THIS BEAVER TRUCKING MISSION, UN!"

"Who said anything about Beaver Trucking?"

"No one did, but I've just always wanted to say that."

"Alrighty then. Your mission is to join the alliance that is going up against this…Winry thing."

"Alliance, un?"

"Yes, they are some kind of rip off of The Wizard of Oz, only they lack a cowardly lion."

"So…who's going to be the cowardly lion?"

"You two, obviously," Pein stated matter-of-factly.

"Are you for real, b-"

"I LOVE THAT MOVIE! TOBI WILL DO HIS BEST TO BE COWARDLY!" And then Tobis voice got low, and he whispered to Deidara threateningly, "Wont I?"

"Yy-yes Tobi..." Deidara said, shaking inwardly, "You will do your best, un.."

"YAY! DEIDARA SEMPAI BELIEVES IN TOBI!" Tobi screamed, launching himself at the horrified blonde.

-

"And do you, Orochimaru of Sound Village, ex-akatsuki member and specializer in most snake related things, and putter of snakes on planes take Dante to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Orochimaru gazed into Dantes soft eyes, and found the words easily. "I do..."

"Then I will declare you married, you will kiss and then it will be Sasuke and Rose's turn," the priest, Jiariya said in a monotone voice, as he shoved the couple away from the altar. He then pointed two fingers at Sasuke and Rose. They managed to scale the steps to the altar in less then five seconds. They knew he was irriaited.

"Okay, this is when it gets dramatic," Jiraiya reviewed, "Rose, when you walk up that isle tomorrow with Itachi, you have to look like you're being forced. And Sasuke, I want to see the best evil grin on your face possible." Rose and Sasuke both nod, and then take their positions. Itachi then came up from behind, and grabbed Rose's shoulder, dragging her up the isle. Sasuke grins wickedly, and even throws in a bit of maniacal laughter.

"No - NO! Stop, Stop!" Jiraiya screamed. "CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!"

"Why can we just have a normal second part of the wedding?" Dante pouted, addressing it more to her fiance then anyone else. Dante had become like that, the last few days; she would only speak to Orochimaru.

"BECAUSE!" Jiraiya shouted, steam shooting from his ears. "I'm not a real priest, and weddings are too boring. We need some excitement! Lets try this again!"

They all nodded and assumed their positions again.

After editing every bit of the ceremony to bits, they eventually got to the ending. "And will the ring barrer... Wrath, bring out the rings?"

"I'm afraid he's trying to find them at the moment," Dante said, "but don't worry, he'll have it for tomorrow." She silently added _Or there will be hell to pay_, to herself.

"BUT WE CAN'T HAVE A WEDDING WITHOUT RINGS! THE WEDDING IS TOMMORROW!" Jiraiya yelled. This had extremely upset the poor old pervert.

-

Roy had a problem. He needed to admit it.

After four hours of watching "Fashion for Blind Men," he found himself completely unmoved. His ham sandwhich somehow tasted.. unsavory, and most of all, he was sitting there in the middle of the day in borrowed pajamas.

He somehow felt as if he were.. imcomplete. It was if there was something missing in his life. But what could it be?

He sipped his liquor in deep thought. He had not been to central or at his east post in a long while. How was this affecting everyone? He knew for sure inside himself that the women of Central where dying to see him again.. Although, he hadn't seen any of the supposed "fangirl letters" he had been told about. Perhaps the mail to Risembool was slow?

But there was only one thing he really wanted, and that was...

It was then that Roy made a decision that would change his life forever.

"LT. HAWKEYE..."

"Yes?"

"I..."

"Mhm?"

"I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK."

dunadundun.

A/N: And so ends another Episode.. far too late coming, of course. "..Yeah, we're almost finished"

Well, this story is officially... 20 chapters long (including the prequel "Google" -- Read that if you haven't!) Now, we think that if this story gets much longer, or gains another sequel, we will have to rename it/title it "Google: Is the End in Sight?" or "Google: Longer and More Pointless then Most of Your Search Results."

A pretty much pathetic attempt to get back into the groove. Enjoy your eeeevening!

Kame/Gin

Oh.. Extra's! This was supposed to be put in the last chapter, but somehow ended up scrapped. .. Notice the change of tense. ITS THE PRESENT, BABY.

_Ed, Winry knew well, never liked to be forced into doing anything. Anything, which includes being locked inside of his own brain by some malicious creature who calls himself "Rasputine." So as Winry held a screaming Rasputine down, Roy twiddled his thumbs nervously and Armstrong poses for the camera, Edward is squirming inside himself._

_"OH GOSH DAMNIT!" Rasputine screams, "I LEFT THE OVEN ON! Hey pop popi-- kernel! Can you go shut it off for me?"_

_A nervous Roy is shaken from his comatose by the use of his military title. As if by intution his hand is raised up to his head to salute before he quickly realizes where he is. He pulls his hand down nervously, and gruffly says, "Is the little horror story__ childproofed yet?"_

**PEOPLE WHO REVIEW ;n; Yay.**

Beam The Chao

xX-Jinx-Kaosu-Xx

Kiarra-Chan

Whispering Lillies

Everyone else who reviewed did so on another chapter. xD;

... Speaking of reviews.. This didn't come as soon as you wanted, eh?


	12. Sakura

This isn't exactly another chapter. We haven't updated in awhile, so we're warming up again to bring you some more chapters. It has nothing to do with the **PLOT **but uhh.. DID you really EXPECT it too?

Oh, by the way, this isn't a cross over.

Oh yes, and we apologize for spelling mistakes.

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunetly.. no we don't own anything but our own minds and that's only because no one else would want them.

**Google: The Plotless Tale**

**Chapter 12... ish.**

**"Sakura"**

**by FullMetalCows**

* * *

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura sighed, as she stared off into the night sky, "I miss you so much... Why did you have to go emo and run off...?" She sat, steps away from a house that she had somehow been transported to for unreasonable purposes.

"I am not, not, not, not notnotnotntontont FUCKING GAY!" Her thoughts were interrupted by a short boy screeching at a black haired man who stood mere metres from her by a yellow-looking house. The blonde pounced up, trying to pound the black haired man into the earth. The black haired man stuck his hand out and blocked the blondes passage to punching him.

"Edward, you certainly are short," The black haired man sighed, pulling his free arm up to restrain the wildly flying arms.

"Leave him alone Roy! He might break the heels on my shoes if he tries to fight you," a blonde woman screeched, running over towards the scene.

"I bet that's what you look at on the compuher all the time," Roy said snidely, "Gay pr0ns of you and your brother."

"You are SO disgusting," the blonde woman said as she swooped around the black haired man and grabbed the boy called Edward by the arm to pull him away.

"If you look at gay pr0ns of you and your brother then your INCESTUOUS. I know.. because they call you and Alphonse 'elricest' on fanfiction!" Another blonde haired girl who, sporting a wrench, had decided to egg Edward on.

"How do YOU know that?" Edward asked, his eyes wide as he stared at the girl. "Winry... You read FANFICTIONS!?"

"I do not!" Winry denied with much fevor. "Why would I read fanfictions, they're SO GROSS. I mean seriously...!!"

"Can I have my shoes back," the blonde woman asked as she bended down and reached at Edwards shoes -- her purple high heels as usual.

"OMFG, WINREE," Fangirl number 1 screamed, "HAV U RED MY FF ABOOT EDO-KUN ND MI OC MARII WHO IS A STATE ALCHEMIST W/ TEH TITEL "SUGAR LOLIPOPS ALCHEMIST" WOO IS TEH SEXOND YUHNGEST STATE ALCHEMIST IN TEH MILITARII!! SHEZ ROYS LUNGLOST NEICE LAWL DID U REED IT?!"

"Sorry," Winry said, "My OTP is EdWin. I don't read anything else."

"Omfg," fangirl number 1 replied. "Edwin is s000oooooooo GROSSSSSSSSS!!dxjusu!!#E#"

"Nu it izn't," fangirl number 2 said angirly to her fellow fangirl, "EdWin is canun ur gross lawl u hav a diff opin dat isnt canun!!12334!!"

"OMGnuuuuuu It iz nauughttt!!" Fangirl number 1 said, "I THOUT WE WER TOMODACHI DESUUUUUU!!"

"OMG, it iz so0000 canun!!111#" Fangirl number 2 yelled, pouncing at the other fangirl. "WE R NAUGHT TOMODACHI ANYMORE DESUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!#&"

"Uh...," Edward said, starring at the fangirls in question silently along with the rest of the group. "Why do people have to have pairing wars over me?"

"Because you're so gay," Roy said thoughfully, also watching the fangirls. "And I think you're shortness might have something to do with it."

"I AM NOT SHORT WHEN WILL YOU GUYS STOP CALLING ME SHORT. I WENT EMO DON'T YOU REMEMEBER. I WENT EMO! STOP CALLING ME SHORT. I AM NOT A BEAN!" Edward shouted, and lifted his leg to kick at the colonel. His plans were foiled, however, when the blonde woman reached out for his foot and grabbed the heels; she yanked at them, pulling them off. This interruption in movement caused Edward to fall backwards onto his bum.

"EDO-KUNNNN!!" the fangirls screamed in unison as they watched him fall to the ground. They untangled themselves from their fighting position and turned toward the person who had caused Edwards full.

"Omg, Riza-san, ur so full of urself," fangirl number 1 said. "Y didn't u let edu-kun kick the shit out of rooiii?!#"

Riza grabbed her other shoe hastily before replying to the girls. "'Edo-kun' had no chance of defeating Colonel Mustang," she stated matter of factly to them.

"OMG he would hav finishd Roy off if u hadn't st0ppd him!!" fangirl number 2 said. "Help us owt Winry!! Itz ur OTP!!"

"Sorry, Roy would have won," Winry said. "Would you guys go away? We trying to discuss something here."

"ROY would have not WON!" Edward shouted as he stood up to face the rest of the group.

"Heh, its good that you got up, Ed," Roy said with a smirk, "I thought you disapeared for a moment!"

"Why I outta," Edward said as he attempted to attack Roy but was side swipped by a wrench.

"This is really getting old," Winry stated matter of factly. "We really should be focusing more attention on me."

"But, it's rude to insult a lady," Roy whined as he turned around to look at her, "No matter who they are!"

"Hey, brother, Mustang, Hawkeye, and Winry," a man made of armor said, approaching the group with his arms around 2 females. Apon closure oberservation, Sakura found them to include Ino and a strange looking other-worldian. Mei.

"Al," Edward said, seeing his brother. "You always have women with you these days! Are you a player or something?"

"Hey!" Roy said, defending the young boy, "Not all people are gay like you!"

"Colonel," Riza critisized, "Stop harassing the poor boy."

"I'm not a player," Alphonse said as he drew their attention back. "I just appreciate the softer gender and I like to buy them dinner."

"Oh, Alphonse, you're so... smooth, and husky," Mei said as she ran her hand over Alphonse's metal cheek.

"I know, I know," he assured her, running one of his armor-hands through her hair. "I know."

"Hey, stop hogging Alphonse," whined Ino with a glare. "I've been here since day one." She sighed dreamily, "Our relationship is deep, isn't it Alphonse."

"Oh, Ino, you know I love you. I love you both."

"Yep, he's definitely a player," Edward said with disgust.

"I just want to go give him a hug," Roy said, "I feel like a father does when his son makes the little league. I'm so.. joyful.. To see Alphonse follow in my footsteps."

"You make me sick," Edward said with a glare to Roy. "I can't stand seeing my brother turn into a little--"

Edward was interrupted by a woman behind Alphonse suddenly speaking up. "How could you, Alphonse?" There was a hint of sadness in her voice that you could almost hear through her anger. She marched up towards Alphonse as he turned around, girls in tow, to see who it was. Kagura. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! YOU SAID WE'D BE TOGETHER FOREVER."

Everyone watched with a grin, particularly Edward, hoping that this would fix Alphonses playing ways. "WAS I JUST SOME TOY TO YOU?" She shouted, rushing towards him. Alphonse jerked backwards but wasn't quick enough. The girls let go of him as Kagura grabbed onto him and began to push him around mercilessly. "Well, I have news for you, Elric, no one treats Kagura like that."

Alphonse was flustered as he watched the scene before him. "Kag-g-gura, sweetie, it wasn't like that," he mustered out.

"THEN WHAT WAS IT LIKE?" Kagura screeched, "WHAT? DID YOU LIKE LOSE MY NUMBER OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE I'D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW!"

"Kagura, we were getting too serious too fast..," Alphonse mumbled, "I'm just not ready to be comitted."

Kagura's demeanor changed suddenly and she smiled. "Aw, Alphonse, you're so innocent." She engulfed the armor boy into a hug and smoothered him.

Ino and Mei stared at the scene. "Does this happen alot?" Mei asked, giving an anime-like sweatdrop. Ino nodded, the feeling of anger coming up inside of her. Mei sighed. They went over to Alphonse and joined Kagura in the hug, not wanting to be left out.

At this point, Edwards mouth was wide open. "How the heck did he manage that?" he asked, blinking a few times and then still seeing the situation.

"This boy has a gift," Roy cried with joy, "I hope he uses it to its greatest extent."

"Aww..," Winry said, "Young love."

"Oh my GOD! I dont understand you guys!" Edward screeched, and walked towards his brother. He ripped the girls away from him (who were quite confused) and lifted his brothers head off.

"Hey! Brother! Give me back my head," yelled Alphonse, suddenly blinded. He spun around, "Come on! This isn't funny! I can't see!"

"You have to promise these girls you'll stop playing with them," Edward said, holding the head just out of Alphonses reach.

"Fine! Fine! Give me back my head!" Alphonse squealed, and reached out towards he believed Edward was. Edward told Alphonse to stop moving, and when Al calmed down enough, he put the head back on him.

"Do you remember what you promised?" Edward said, still angry.

"Yes, brother," Alphonse said with a sigh and turned to the three women, "Girls, you know I love you all, but..."

"But what?" they all said in unison, starring at him with a confused expression.

"But... I'm leaving the country tomorrow, and I'm not coming back. I don't think we could handle the seperation so... I can't see you guys anymore! Just know that I love you.. ALL three of you!" He shouted dramatically, and turned around to run away from the three girls. The girls broke down into sobs, asking 'why us?', and eventually enveloped one another in a comforting hug.

Roy approached the group, eager to pick up were Al left off. Sad girls were always easy to master. "Girls, girls, Alphonse may be gone from your lives.. But he still lives inside of your heart," he said, wrapping his arms around all three girls.

"They're underage," Riza stated.

"Oh," Roy said with a nervous laugh and let go of them. He stomped back to the group, and whined, "Why isn't there any woman my age here?"

"Oh, shut up, Roy," Edward sighed.

"Holy," Winry said to Edward, "Are you PMS-ing or something?"

"Something like that," Roy said with a grin.

"Wires," Riza stated suddenly, drawing the attention of the other 3. "There are random wires lying on the ground."

"OH MY GOSH! Someone call the police! Theres wires outside of a house with automail engineer's in it!" Winry mocked Riza.

"... I .. have wir-wir.. itis," She said, "I thi..ink.. I'm going to.. faint." Riza fell to the ground in a lump.

"U desrvd it," said the perpatrator, fangirl number 1, "4 saing dat boot edu-kun!!#&!!"

"Hey, does anyone want to see my Elysia? I brought more pictures of her while I was away. They're all new! Did you know that she's three now?! She's three! Seriously! THREE! I've never been so happy in my life! I have a three year old! I always wanted a three year old! ... And she's so cute! Guys, come here and look at my pictures. ... Come and look at them before I get angry," Maes said happily, beconing the group to come towards him. They did, fearing what he would do if they did not. Riza was left lying on the ground.

"Here is a Elysia when her mom; That's my wife by the way. Her mom is my wife. ... Anyway, they're playing the piano, well, not really playing the piano because Elysia is still too young for it but.. They are trying. And here, she's eating macaroni. Isn't that just so cute? She has cheese sauce all over her face... It's so adorable. That her mom washing the cheese off.. Her mom is my wife, just so you know."

"What the heck?" said Sakura as she watched the scene before her.


End file.
